Thursday, 28 August 2008

Three Family Members

 This is a posh coach and not at all like the ones we used during our recent trip to daughter's.

I just wanted to say that three members of my family are having to suffer because of one. I daren't write details but tomorrow I will know whether the three will have to flee to a refuge or will be able to stay in their own home. Sometimes people are forced to choose between a husband or their children. 
And in case every one thinks this is awful, the one has not been classed as terminally ill and could carry on like this for years. 
There comes a time when you really have no choice at all.
One of the children remarked, "Why should one person get to stay and three have to leave." 
I am shaking inside with the worry of it. 


Bina said...

Great question at the end, but sometimes people have to do what they HAVE to do to stay safe and to survive. Good luck to everyone, I'll be praying.

Suburbia said...

Maggie you have all had so much to cope with, I'm so sorry it has come to this.
However if he is as difficult as you have said before, it is the right thing that the children and your daughter should not have to live or put up him or with such eratic behaviour. They need to be safe and at least if they are in a refuge he can't get to them.
All this being said it is a dreadful thing to happen, to have to leave your home, but hopefully it is also the right thing to do for now.
As ever my thoughts are with you all.I wish I could do more.
Suburbia x

RiverPoet said...

There is absolutely no shame in thinking of one's safety and the safety of the children first.

I wish your family well in this continued nightmare.

Peace - D

softinthehead said...

Maggie, my thoughts are with you all at this tough time :)

Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

Maggie, I will be praying for your daughter and the children. I think she is doing exactly what she needs to do. Taking care of her children is her priority and if her husband is causing so much pain they need to be away from him. Anyone that thinks them leaving is awful has to be someone that has never been in such a sad situation. It must hurt so much for you to think about your daughter and the grandchildren going through this. Thank the Lord we have Him to turn to. I will be praying He works all this out and that they will soon have peace in their lives.

kylie said...

i know it has to be extreme to consider leaving home, uprooting kids......
anyone who tries to judge is kidding themselves

my thoughts and prayers are with all of you
god bless

aims said...

Oh Maggie! It has come to this? Couldn't they put him someplace - like a home or something where he could abuse other people? I know it is awfully pricey - how can anyone afford those places? But still!

What horrors. What sadness.

Thinking of you and yours. I wish I could just give you a huge hug and a cup of tea.

Maggie May said...

Thanks Every One for the kind understanding in your comments.
The court decided that daughter can stay with the children in the house for 6 months. A social worker is involved. Husband can only come if invited.
All this has cost thousands of pounds and really daughter had no choice once the social workers were involved.
Neither wants a divorce but separation costs an astronomical amount, which they don't have and husband's accommodation has to be paid for too. taxis etc all out of their dwindling account.
It's like a horror story.
Because they have a home they can't get legal aid.

cheshire wife said...

So sorry for what you are going through. The situation sounds unbelievable. Can he not be sectioned?

Will be thnking about you.


Suburbia said...

Hi Maggie, I have just read your comment below. At least the children can stay in their own home. The money must be such a worry. There should be more help but I guess this is quite a unique situation. Is there any sort od disability alowance that can pay for accomadation? At least your loved ones will be safe.

Suburbia x

Robin said...

Of course she has to choose her children, even if the situation is very sad. Is there no such thing as long care nursing home where you live?

kylie said...

have i missed something??
does he need nursing???
or a swift kick???

Irene said...

Oh boy, Maggie, could he be deemed mentally ill and therefor be hospitalized? As a danger to his family? Surely there must be a solution like that?

Anonymous said...

This sounds so stressful for you and your family. I am praying for peace for your family. I am glad the children can stay in their own home, that has to bring some comfort.
One day at a time, my friend. Sending many, many prayers.

Rose said...

Maggie, You are so strong to deal with all you have had to deal with lately. The solution is not fair, but sounds necessary. What's most important is that the three of them are safe.

I just read your "latest comment." I'm glad that Daughter and the children could stay in the house, but life still must be very difficult for them.
Wishing all of you strength to get through all of this, Maggie.

Anonymous said...


I don't really know what to say about all this. Especially as such wise comments have come before mine. In this situation, I know, we all know, that you will find the strength to help your daughter and grandchildren through this.

Take care,
Peter x

Anonymous said...

Illness is no excuse for abusive behaviour, unless it is a symptom of the disease: in that case the person can be housed by the NHS.
Your daughter and the children deserve better. I so hope this can be sorted for the best
Positive thoughts and strenght to you and your family

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Maggie, I do feel for you and your family. I truly hope it works out well for you all. You deserve it. (Words never seem to convey enough at these testing times.) Big hugs. Hadriana xx

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear Maggie, the nightmare continues. I do so feel for you all. I know that this latest decision is only temporary, and wish I could offer real help. It must be a torture for you to see your Daughter and grandchildren going through this. Love and thoughts and always with you. M xx
PS. So sorry I missed so much while I was ill. M :-(

Retiredandcrazy said...

Maggie, we all have to make difficult decisions at times. I was once told that no decision is the right decision, it simply leads on to a new set of decisions. That helped me at the time. God be with you all.

Liz said...

Oh Maggie, such a thing to have to happen. How dreadfully sad but the man has an illness that has changed him and made it necessary. I pray that you will all find peace in this situation.

Lavinia said...

Maggie may, this is a worrisome post. May the way be made clear, the best choice for those who are in harm's way....

I know your heart is troubled and I hope you are soon comforted. May God bless you all and keep you throughout this ordeal...

CrazyCath said...

She will do what she has to do. The house, the car, the belongings - all replaceable. All perishable.
Your health, your sanity, your children and their health and future - priceless. Irreplaceable.
She will do what she has to do. And you will be there to love, support, and breathe a sigh of relief.