Sunshine And Flowers

Photo copyright: Maggie May

In my last post, I was feeling really sad and was hoping for a dry day for my sister in law's funeral. It was very cold for a day or two beforehand and it had rained some of the time but the day quite unexpectedly turned out to be not only dry, but sunny and warmish too, which was an added bonus, I thought.

The day was still sad, but I think the service was very moving and meaningful and lots of people attended, some of them I hadn't seen for a long time. There was a feeling of closeness and empathy. Gloria was laid to rest in a beautiful setting where it is tranquil and peaceful and calm. I think all those words have the same meaning but I like them and they describe the place well.

I think the whole experience was thought provoking for everyone who attended and we all came away having gained something.

My brother feels very up and down emotionally, which is quite normal for a grieving husband. Eddie wants everyone to know that when he feels up to it, he will start blogging again. Plenty of time for that later, I say. No need to rush.

I also was very blessed with a warm, sunny day on my Birthday and I was able to visit the seven local gardens and enjoy them in comfort and sit in a beautiful place eating cake and drinking tea. I did appreciate everything that happened that day and also the previous evening when some of the family got together for a meal and we spent a very happy time together. 

Families are very precious and I know that Eddie has found his son and daughter to be an immense comfort and help to him.

So to all the family, many thanks. You all know who you are.

Mixed Emotions

Photo copyright: Maggie May

The photo is of a family prayer circle when we all went to visit my mother's cremation plot some while ago.

Most of the near family are on the photo, except for my son, who was inside the huddle taking the picture. Gloria is on the top lefthand side, whereas I am on the bottom righthand side!

The coming week will be filled with mixed emotions because my sister in law is having her funeral and yet it will also be my Birthday week. I can remember how we all had a family celebratory meal last year to mark my 70th Birthday that I didn't even expect to get to and here we are, one year later and Gloria is not here anymore and we are attending her funeral.

I will not go into the details of why her funeral has taken so long after her death, except to say there had to be an autopsy because of the somewhat unexpected timing of it. However, it was found to be cancer related.

I bought a little shrub in memory of her and it has flowers all over it at the moment and I can look at it from my kitchen window and be reminded of her whenever I look out. 

It has gone cold again and the weather has been inclined to rain. I'm hoping that it will be dry on the day of the funeral as it is to be a burial in a lovely church yard where one of my relatives lies and many people who Gloria knew are there, too. Rain is very dismal at a funeral, I always think.

I'd like it to be dry on my Birthday, too, because I am visiting five local gardens that will be open to the public for a few hours. Last year I really enjoyed doing the same, when local gardens opened to everyone who wanted to view them. However, it is not quite so enjoyable traipsing around in the rain, though I intend to go, even if it is pouring.

Does anyone know the opposite of a rain dance?

Time and Tide

"Time and tide wait for no man", so the old proverb says.

It seems that most young people, (and that means anyone younger than me), are on a treadmill and don't have the time to visit (or even speak) these days.

If I phone, then most of them are about to go out, eat or are engrossed in some activity, usually to do with screens and tell me they are too busy to talk.

When they do visit, they are distracted, fiddling with their phones, listening but not really listening, if you know what I mean. However, mostly they decline to come in at all and just collect the thing they have come for and they say that they are running late and had to be somewhere else 10 minutes ago.

Was I really like this when I was their age? Maybe I was irritated by older folk slowing down but I seem to remember visiting friends of all age groups as well as parents and I did give them some undivided attention. Indeed, even today, my Sunday afternoons are spent visiting an elderly, infirm lady in her nineties who lives alone with a serious health problem and no family. Quite often, she is most disagreeable but sometimes a pleasure to be with. I go and visit her because I can imagine how it must be for her to have no family. She is old enough to be my mother and yet I regularly go and spend an hour with her. It doesn't seem unreasonable, does it?

Only older folk know what it is like to be in this position and they have empathy with one another.

Where has compassion gone to these days? Surely if people are that busy then they are too busy and they run the risk of serious health problems later on ..... or are we all meant to be living alone in our little boxes with only screens for company?

In Memory Of My Dear Sister In Law

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

My last post was filled with good news and now I have to announce that my lovely sister in law, Mrs Eddie Bluelights, who I have always referred to as Gloria in my blog, has passed away. I will leave my brother Eddie to fill in the details on his blog, when he feels up to it, but all I can say is that she was a very brave lady who fought (if that is the right word) breast cancer for a good many years. She was only 42 yrs old when she was first diagnosed and died aged 61.

I will miss her because she was my brother's wife and we loved her as a valued member of our family. I will miss her because we had some lovely regular meetings that I really looked forward to and I had hoped for many more.  I will miss her because she was kind and understanding and we talked most weekends on the phone. I will miss her because she was the very last person I knew, after my friend Pietra died last October from the very same thing, who really knew what it was like to experience the horror of the pain that cancer in a bone could cause. I could relate to her and she could relate to me. We knew what the awful disease could do and understood one another's anguish and pain. Now I am feeling very much alone. However, it must be a million times worse for Eddie and their two children and partners.

I hate cancer with a vengeance and I'm really hoping that there will be a cure, if not in my childrens' life spans then in my grandchildrens'.

I am grateful that Denise Nesbitt, another blogging friend, is going to be doing the Race For Life in June and that she is being sponsored for Cancer Research. This is the only way a cure is going to be found in the distant future, though much headway is being made in some cancer treatments.

I wish that I could do the Race For Life but I can hardly run for a bus these days!

On the day that I heard the sad news, which was not really expected to happen as quickly as it did, I was told that she was dying, early in the morning and I felt pretty much devastated because I had no time to do the one and a half hour journey to go to see her for the last time. Yet at the time of her death which was unknown to me then, I was filled with a kind of peace and felt protected from all hurt.

Life seemed to go on around me fairly normally. In fact I had the grand daughters here for breakfast.

When they had gone to school and I heard what had happened, I cried for hours until I could cry no more.

I noted that it was a sunny day and that things were already happening in the world that Gloria didn't know about. I was a survivor and she wasn't. I had to press on with what life dealt me, she didn't.

The only thing that brings any kind of comfort to me is that she had a firm Christian faith and that I know she has moved on to something much better.

I have been thinking of my mother a good deal lately and all the other people who have moved away through death and I really hope that they are all together.  I know that many non believers read this blog but I can only write things from my own perspective and I do respect other people's points of view. However, these are my experiences and feelings of the sad event and how I have coped with it to date. I know that grief never really leaves anyone but we have to learn how to cope with it and find some way with dealing with our feeling while being true to them and not suppressing them.

Never A Truer Word

Recently, we received two surprises within a couple of days. The first was a call from my nephew telling me to look forward to becoming a Great Aunt in October. The next day, we received a telephone call from our son, Sam, to say that he and Sandy had booked their wedding at the end of August. 

It was good to receive some good news for a change.

When my granddaughters came round for breakfast the next day, we obviously started talking about the wedding and what we might all wear.

Amber, being a bit of a tom boy, said that she wanted to wear a suit and wouldn't wear a dress at any cost. 

Millie wasn't sure what she wanted to wear and said she'd have to think about it.

I announced that I would soon be out looking for a suitable dress. Hearing that, Amber replied, "Oh, its far too early, Gran, you might get a sudden growth spurt by then."

I had a good laugh because the only growth spurt I might get is in width, not in height. Lets hope that doesn't happen. I will have to watch my chocolate consumption from now on.

Forget-me-nots Lift The Heart

Today has been very sunny and warm. There are Forget-me-nots springing up in my garden and it is really a reminder that Spring is well underway. These little flowers are a firm favourite of mine and do tend to lift the heart.

Today, I had to accompany Harry to a hospital appointment while leaving the electrician to get on with this weeks work. I hate it when things overlap like that but I needn't have worried because the young lad (well everyone looks young compared to me!) got on with the job while we were away.

Some of the problems are now sorted out and after tomorrow, there will be a break until he starts again next week. It should all be finished by then.

He is a very thorough worker who doesn't rush things but most of the jobs are a fixed price so it really doesn't matter.

I was hoping Harry would be able to have a shunt fitted in his head/neck to help drain off the excess fluid that is causing him various problems, when the chemo was over. However, we were told that this wouldn't be possible and he might stay the same or get steadily worse. No one can predict. After a 40 minute wait to see the consultant we were in and out in ten minutes and I felt really saddened by this news. However, Harry takes it all in his stride and doesn't worry about anything, which might well be because of his condition.

Best Foot Forward

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

It was a mistake to say in my last post that we were experiencing sunshine. Since I wrote that account it has been bitterly cold, windy and sometimes wet. It is very depressing weather for the time of year.

However, one day last week, Harry and I caught a bus into town and spent some time watching the world go by from a bench, overlooking our water front. This busker was amazing as he played lovely music on his violin for over an hour standing on this trapeze with just one leg. 

Over the other side of the water, a man was playing bongos and xylophone, so each busker was in competition with the other. At first it jarred a bit, but each player was very good in his own right. 

This is one of the things I like about our city...... the buskers who have a prime pitch and are usually very good at what they do.

Harry is about to start his sixth chemo and it is awful to see him overcome by side affects for about 10 days afterwards when all he wants to do is to sleep in his chair. It gets tougher as the time goes on.

For the next week or two, we are going to be having the electrician in to start the long list of jobs he has to do to make the house safer. It will cost an arm and a leg but after our electrical ordeal (described in the last but one post), we came to realise that safety is more important than anything else. We'er not looking forward to all the commotion, especially while Harry is feeling so ill, but unfortunately it is very necessary.

I also have to find someone to fit a stronger curtain rail in the lounge because the curtains keep coming down and there are several other jobs that need doing as well. It is frustrating that we cannot now do these things ourselves ( I don't mean the electrical things) but all the other silly bits and pieces that we used to do without a second thought.  However, Harry did go down to the High Street today to get a new shower head that he managed to fit himself. The shower is now working perfectly and it is good to know that it seemed to be nothing too serious.

Isn't it amazing how everything seems to break or need repairing at once?