Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Blossoming

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

Sometimes parents can stay together even though the relationship has finished...... just for the sake of the children.
This might seem to be the best thing for everyone....... but is it?

Recently, my oldest granddaughter seems as though she has had a weight lifted from her shoulders. You can see it in her face and manner.
The reason why?
Because her Mum, who has been divorced from her daddy for a long time, has recently moved out and found her own place nearby.
The girls have been staying with her for for a night or two and regularly go for tea after being picked up from school.
They spend two nights with me when I baby sit them, and the rest of the week is spent with their dad.
This way they have a really good time with everyone.

At one point, it seemed my heart was ripped open when my oldest granddaughter said, "There was such a big quarrel going on last night and I just had to try and block it out."
Although both the girls have always seemed to be well adjusted children, I think this situation did seem to be causing a strain on both of them without anyone realising it. It is only now that the difference can be seen and it is a pleasure to see the release of a burden that has suddenly slid off their shoulders. They seem to be both blossoming into happier children.

Trying to keep positive about the situation when they first had to cope with it, I said, " Aren't you lucky that you have three homes where you are loved! Mummy's home to visit, Daddy's and mine."
It wasn't long before they realised that they had four homes because there is always going to be one in Japan with the other Grandparents.
So they did brighten up when they realised this because I don't suppose that many other children have so many different homes.
Unless you know of some that do.



25 comments:

Hilary said...

They are indeed lucky. Their parents figured out what's best for them. It's so important to try to get along for their sake - with the estranged parent and with their new partner should he or she exist. And you can never overstate the importance of loving, nurturing grandparents in a child's life. Invaluable.

Ayak said...

Its so difficult for the children when marriages break-up. I've experienced this firsthand. I don't think staying together for the sake of the children ever really works. They sense unhappiness and its far better to have two happy parents living apart.

Akelamalu said...

There's nothing worse than parents staying together 'for the children' and spending all their time arguing.:(

TechnoBabe said...

It is so hard on the children when parents divorce. Even if the divorce is absolutely necessary. Good for you to remind your grandchildren how much they are loved.

Bernie said...

I truly believe that when children are truly loved, and given time and attention, made to feel safe - well it is so much more important than living with both parents. Kids know when things are not right, so glad your granddaughters are so loved...,....:-)Hugs

Formerly known as Frau said...

Yes knowing they are loved is good and having great support like you is even better. I hope they continue to blossom!

rosaria said...

I second Hilary's sentiments. You can't underestimate the love of grandparents in this situation. You are providing the steady hand.

Retired English Teacher said...

We are going through a similar thing with a daughter, her soon to ex-husband and my grandchildren. It is difficult on all. Thankfully, your grandchildren have you in their lives on a regular basis. Thankfully, they are beginning to blossom. You wrote about this in a very sensitive and beautiful way. Thanks for letting us know that there are others out there going through these rough spots.

Nora said...

You and Harry are a very steadying factor in those children's lives. I hope you don't underestimate your own role in helping them blossom. It's very important. Good on you!

XOX

Glenda said...

They're fortunate to have grandmothers in their lives to look at things from the outside in. I think as we get older, we are more perceptive of their needs. Hope they continue to thrive in their new setting.

secret agent woman said...

The research on this clearly shows that conflict in the home is far more damaging than divorce. Divorce is never easy, but parents can, if they try, work together to make it as civil as possible.

Rose said...

I've known too many parents who've stayed together for the sake of the children, when really the children would have been so much better off in a calmer and happier single-parent home. Your granddaughters are lucky indeed to have four homes where they are loved!

ladyfi said...

It's hard on the children and the parents. So glad that this situation seems to be resolving itself in a positive way.

RNSANE said...

My five day sojourn in the hospital ended yesterday! I am much better, thankfully!

How wise that your son and his wife realized that it would be best for the children if they had separate households. They seem to be swaddled in loving adults and enjoying the best of all worlds.

VioletSky said...

I never had grandparents, but I did have parents who argued constantly. For many years, I wished that they would divorce just so I wouldn't have to hear them bickering and yelling. I really believe my relationship with them both might have been much better had they done so.

Suburbia said...

I'm so glad for you Maggie, and the girls and Sam of course.

I think they feel the strain. Such a relief when it's all settled down. Staying together for the children isn't always the right thing to do.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Always sad Maggie when children see their Mum and Dad break up and argue akk the time. The strain on their little shoulders is enormous. So very relieved to hear that life is somewhat better for them after the separation. They are very lucky to have you and Harry there for them.
Must get together again soon but we have been very busy bees lately. Love and hugs ~ Eddie

debsdigest.com said...

They are so lucky to have you as grandparents. I believe that grandparents provide a safe haven and a huge comfort for children and your home seems so welcoming. x

Casdok said...

Very lucky :)

softinthehead said...

Yes if cannot have been an easy situation for anyone in that household. Glad things are working out.
Thanks Maggie for being such a constant visitor and commenter on my blog.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I used to say this to Amy, especially at Christmas and birthday, when she'd receive lots of presents from my family, her biological father's family and of course me and James. We were never married and I left him (with Amy of course) when Amy was only 18 months old for various reasons, one being he became handy with his fists, but even though we occasionally keep in touch with his family, Amy's dad will always be my husband, James, who I refer to in my blog as The Farmer.

It's hard and we do often forget about the impact an unhappy set of parents can have on the child.

CJ xx

Brian Miller said...

it is a sad reality...and with the limiting of the opportunity for angst, they may be better off for it...and you play a huge role in their lives..

Expat mum said...

There's no doubt that marital strife has a huge impact on the kids, but they're blessed to have such great grandparents who are a constant in their lives.

silly rabbit said...

Oh I do agree! Children know when things are stressed between parents and they respond with stress. Its great that they have your support and home, as well as the others... and I'm sure lots of hugs!
Thanks for popping down my rabbit hole today! It was a pleasure to visit here. You have a lovely blog!
=:-)
And I was thrilled to see that you have dutch rabbits! My children raised them and they are truly delightful creatures with tons of personality.

Moannie said...

Nothing to add really, except to say that happily most children will adapt as long as there is no 'infighting' or 'taking sides'.