Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Like A Butterfly

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

My posts seem to yo yo from happiness and good things happening to the very worst. I jump from one situation to another, just like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower, drifting on the wind.

In my last post I was writing about always expecting the unexpected and I was really happy then. Suddenly my life has been turned upside down again by something unexpected and its not good this time.  I have been suddenly afflicted by really bad pain in my lower back and hip.
Before the days of cancer, I would have accepted it as sciatica because I have always been prone to that and used to go to the Chiropractor to put it right. Ever since being treated for cancer, I haven't been able to have any chiropractic treatment because it is far too risky and might break a bone, made fragile by cancer and radiation treatment. 

I wish I hadn't experienced a burst of enthusiasm last week, when I climbed the portable step ladder and painted two walls. I felt so good when I saw the transformation and had planned to paint two more. Its not as if I was doing a thorough job, like moving everything out and doing the ceiling and all the wooden paintwork. No, I was doing a cosmetic job and just lightening the walls and it was really looking better and made me feel good.
Now I have this awful pain and can hardly walk and I am obviously thinking it might be the cancer returning faster than I thought.
So, I have panicked and have brought my Oncology appointment forward by weeks and I am going today to be seen after the afternoon clinic finishes and to be prepared to wait a very long time, bring a book and plenty of Paracetamol because that is all I was advised to take for now. 

I will not find out anything today, only a scan can really tell me what is going on and believe me, the amount of scans I have had over the last two years is enough to give me cancer.  However, at least I will be in the system again and will get a physical examination and be put on a waiting list for a scan if the hospital think thats what I need. I will get advice on painkillers and such like. I have been down that road before and don't want to be doped up, but it is surprising how pain will change one's mind and in the end there is no choice. 
This post isn't meant to whinge but to be a source of therapy by writing and to be an account of what is happening to me for future reference. I regard my blog as a journal so I'm sorry if it is taken as a grumble. Its all part of the journey when I flit from one state of mind to another.



19 comments:

Dimple said...

I'm sorry you are feeling poorly, Maggie. I pray God will give you his peace and touch you with his healing hands.

It is hard to see sometimes, but he really does work everything together for good!

Blessings!

Valleys Mam said...

Better sure than sorry Maggie
I am sure it will the sort of twinges and pain that comes as we get older
Try a lovely long soak in a hot bath ,some ibrufen and a good rubing jel

Jeni said...

Perhaps you just overdid it and your muscles -the ones you used but that haven't perhaps been used all that much, all that frequently of late, are rebelling and tightened up on you. Let's hope that's all it is but I know, having been down the cancer road twice myself, we do often tend to read things into our aches, pains and issues that is really there then, don't we?

Sandi McBride said...

Maggie just said a quick prayer for you that God will take this away from you and heal your pain...lots of love to you from
Sandi (with JJ)

Akelamalu said...

Hey Maggie don't ever apologise for putting your feelings down here! I can understand your fear at each and every pain, I think anyone in your situation would feel the same. I do hope your fears are unfounded but you are doing the right thing in bringing your appointment forward. Better safe than sorry. I'll keep you in my thoughts and in the meantime am sending oodles of Reiki. xx

Hilary said...

I'm sorry that you're hurting, Maggie. It does sound like you overdid - particularly with the suddenness of the pain. You're still wise to move your appointment up. You're (always) in my best thoughts, Maggie. I hope your pain eases very soon. Gentle hugs to you.

dianefaith said...

I hope it's just all that ladder-climbing that has made you hurt, and that time will cure.
You are very, very good at writing your concerns without even a hint whining (the American word). Don't ever worry about that.

Jackie said...

You never grumble, my dear. Don't ever think that you do. I'm glad that you have your blog and your friends to be able to get your feelings out there. That is medicinal in and of itself.
I pray that the scan today shows nothing new in the way of cancer; I am hoping that your pain comes from the fact that you overdid it painting. I am sure that those walls look beautiful.
Continue to take care of you, Maggie.
Love you,
Jackie

VioletSky said...

I hope your fears are unfounded, but am glad you were able to move your appointment forward. Even though we have never met, I feel as if I know you you through your writing, so am always glad to hear what it going on.

Bernie said...

Hope all works out well Maggie, sending big hugs and tons of prayers....:-)Hugs

About Last Weekend said...

Oh that's awful, my mother has back pain and its crippling, I so feel for you!

Beryl Ament said...

I think you can face anything if you know for sure. It is the apprehension that is terrifying. Best wishes and prayers.

Brian Miller said...

writing is def therapy and i hope that whatever it is passes...i hope pain abates and you are feeling better soon...

Glenda said...

Hopefully some of the above comments are right about the overworked muscles. Prayers being sent up for you. Keep writing! It's good for the soul...

Rose said...

Oh, Maggie, I do hope the pain is just the result of the strain of muscles that haven't been used in awhile. I know it doesn't take much these days for me to twist something and cause a nagging pain for days. But I think it was a good idea to schedule an appointment with your doctor; better to be safe than sorry.

Lovely photo of the butterfly, by the way!

SandyCarlson said...

So it goes, damn it all. I am sorry about that. Still, I am glad for your happy times and times of feeling good. I hope the pain is a symptom of something simple and harmless.

Mary Gilmour said...

Sympathy. I once ended up with really painful sciatica from a simple slip off an icy rock. It's most likely that something you did while painting is what is causing the pain but you are certainly sensible to have it checked out. So sorry that your good time got cut short.
Really hoping that things improve for you very soon.
Sending virtual Canadian hugs.

Irene said...

I'm sure you've just hurt yourself paiting, Maggie, but it is always better to be safe than sorry I guess. Probably by the time you are ready for a scan, everything will be resolved and you will be pain free. xox

Jinksy said...

My remedy for low back problems, is to use my 'office type' chair, made by Hag (no relation to the coffee people!) It's adjustable every which way- height, width, depth- and follows my every move. The difference between that and an 'ordinary' chair is astronomical...