Friday, 9 September 2011

Flare-ups

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

I expect that you are all wondering what it is like to go through radiation treatment.
I can honestly say that it is not as bad as chemo...... not by a long chalk.
However, when I went through chemo, I was ill for a week or so and then started to pick up each day until the next infusion.

Going everyday for radiation treatment might not be as harsh as that but it can make one feel extremely tired all the time and can cause flare-ups of pain.
As my coccyx is involved, it can get really painful. Bone pain can be excruciating so I am still on some meds for it but trying to cut down regularly depending how I feel.

The department I go to is very busy and people of all ages come here from miles around. I'm lucky that I don't have far to go.
The saddest thing is to see little children going through chemo and there are also many younger people than me and a good few are brought in on trollies. This all makes me feel I shouldn't be grumbling.
One day my appointment was cancelled because one of the machines broke down. I have been assured that I will get an extra session at the end of my treatment so there are no problems concerning that.

No one has any idea what is going on in my body. I have been told to concentrate on getting through the treatment and live for the day.
Nothing about my life is certain. I could make myself ill with worry. However, most of the time I am too tired to think too hard or go beyond today.

I do a little job or two each day. Sometimes I can only manage to clean one shelf of the fridge. Other days I romp through the house or go for a walk with no problem. There is no rhyme or reason for this...... no way I can tell in advance how I am going to be. I tend not to make any really important arrangements because I might not be able to keep them.
I am drifting through life and trying not to care.
However, I am glad to be alive.

The sunflowers were brought round by Hetty, a good friend. They lasted a long time.
They were bright and cheerful in my front room.

I am over halfway through the treatment now and hoping non of the terrible side affects (that I had to sign a disclaimer for) will happen to me.
By the end of this month I should have finished the treatment but it will go on working for a month after that. I could feel tired during that month too. Not sure what state I will be in by then. Only time will tell.
I feel I have lost my summer and am dreading the winter weather coming round so soon.

28 comments:

TechnoBabe said...

You have every right to grumble as you put it. Yes, it is horrible to see little children fighting devastating diseases. It is horrible watching you fight too.

The sunflowers are so happy looking. You bring joy wherever you are, like the sunflowers.

Formerly known as Frau said...

Maggie I wish so badly for you and Harry to not be going through this. You are putting up a good fight and I know it's hard hang in there. ((hugs))

Jinksy said...

Maggie, one day at a time is the way everybody should aim to live - as I read somewhere, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, so live for today! I think they are very wise words. Best of healing vibes heading in your direction still from my corner of Blogland. ♥

Nora said...

Living in the moment is the best thing you can do, although that may be hard at times. You're certainly putting in a valiant effort and I think you're doing a great job at keeping your chin up. You're a good example to people who struggle with life.

XOX

Suburbia said...

You are so brave Maggie. Living for the moment is SO difficult, but I know you've been learning to do it for a while now. Even harder with no prognosis. However, half way through treatment is good and hopefully you will feel better by Christmas.
I know what you mean about the summer, but I think everyone feels that right now, September can be such a lovely month (I was banking on it!) but look at it! Damn miserable weather!!!
Fingers crossed for an Indian Summer at some point, so that you can sit (or lie) and do nothing in some warmth.
Best wishes as always
S x

Celia said...

Grumbling helps take the stress down a peg so grumble away. I have a sister with an ongoing illness so she says she does "10 minute things" because she can manage 10 minutes if not a day - to clean some dishes, read a book, or walk around the garden. So sorry for your pain, and thanks for keeping us posted. Hugs to you Maggie.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Hang on in there sis. You have a trenebdous spirit and that is sure to help you through this. Praying and praying - God bless and love Eddie x

Eddie Bluelights said...

Whooops! spelling mistakes - 'tremendous' is what I meant to type

Rose said...

Thank you for giving us an update, Maggie; I have been wondering how you were doing with your treatments. Living for the moment is something we all should do, though it's often hard. "Don't sweat the small stuff," as they say. You're an inspiration to all of us with your positive attitude and strength.

Retired English Teacher said...

You are really amazing, Maggie. I am so sorry for what you are going through, but you seem to do so with a spirit that inspires me. Your courage shines through.

I'm sending you hugs and prayers.

Brian Miller said...

smiles. you are alright maggie...continued prayers of healing sent your way...and i like the sunflower pic...

Jeni said...

Been there, done that and felt the radiation was a bit of a walk in the park as during the time I was getting it, I had no repercussions. It did however, leave me really wrung out, extremely tired though when it was finished up.
I know what you mean about one day being up and about and feeling like you can darned near conquer the world and the next, having no energy whatsoever! I still have that problem but if I think about it a bit, I think I've always had that issue! LOL

ladyfi said...

Here's wishing you much energy!

Leilani Lee said...

Hang in there girl! Hope your rabbits are doing OK these days. Coming late to the party: once in the market I overheard a mother tell her child, who was acting up just a bit, "Shut up or I will beat your ass..." I was steaming... what a terrible way to talk to a child. On the few occasions when I went with our son to the oncologist, he was inevitably the youngest one in the waiting room. He never took chemotherapy, but the high-dose radiation they gave him did make him very tired. I admire you so much. Lovely sunflowers.

Sue said...

thanks for the insights into your radiation experience...sounds like going with the flow is just exactly the right thing to be doing...and especially thanks for sharing those lovely sunflowers with us!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear Maggie, you are so brave and cheerful, and I am full of admiration. I do hope the treatment will prove to be successful - you certainly deserve the best outcome. Love and thoughts, Margot xx

Teacher's Pet said...

I read your blog, my friend...and these words touched the very heart of me: "However, most of the time I am too tired to think too hard or go beyond today."
I want to be there to give you a hug... a hug is always nice to share with friend.
I hug you from here, Maggie.
Love,
Jackie

Jayne said...

I think you are doing very well to divert your thoughts from worries (as much as you can) - it must be so hard. But you have the right attitude and that is so very important. Keep finding little things that make you happy - like those gorgeous sunflowers - and ignore all else; you can catch up when you feel better. Wishing that day comes soon! x

debsdigest.com said...

Saying a prayer for you Maggie. xx

Shammickite said...

I wish you a good day today.
And I wish you the same for tomorrow.
And when tomorrow comes, I wish you the same for the next tomorrow.
Every day is a day worth living, in spite of all the troubles you are going through.
Hugs to you!

Suldog said...

Halfway through is a good thing. All the way will be better, and I pray you get there with a minimum of discomfort and a maximum of hope and happiness.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Just to let you know two people are having problems leaving comments on your blog, Happy Frog and I and Clare the painter. They want you to know they are not avoiding you. Love Eddie

Wendy said...

Dear Maggie, sending you lots of good healing thoughts and wishes. It is sad when you look around, particularly in a hospital and see how sick others are.

And it's fine to complain. Just because somebody else is sicker or worse off than we are, doesn't mean we don't have feelings too. We need to let our feelings out, no matter what kind of feelings they are.

I think you are doing well to focus on living each day as it comes, doing a job a day - whatever you can manage. It's far better than doing nothing, but I can only imagine how worried you are.

My father had radiation treatments for his prostate cancer years ago. It took away his cancer. The only complaint he had was that it burned his skin. Perhaps today, the radiation treatments are gentler. I hope so.
Hugs,

Gail said...

My heart goes out to you Maggie.

Maggie May said...

Thank you everyone for your support.
I am sorry that several of you (who got in touch with my brother to say you couldn't get a comment on this post even though you tried lots of times) have had such difficulty.
All I can say is, that I did have a problem getting this photo onto this post in the first place. It took many attempts.
Hope Blogger will soon be back to normal. I know I also find that some peoples. Thanks to all who tried. Hoping things will improve.
Maggie X

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I think you are marvellous to share your experiences with us Maggie. Awful to think of anyone having to go through radiation therapy or chemo; I do hope you are soon feeling better and stronger.

mrsnesbitt said...

Good to read you are more than half way through Maggie xxxx

family affairs said...

Aaah so sorry to hear you're going through all that treatment but glad radiation doesn't sound too bad - you're so brave! Haven't been over for ages -- had no idea Sorry xx Lx

prob because i have to leave a comment from my old blog which doesn't make sense - still haven't worked out how to use the new blog properly and it's over a year old!! pathetic.