Thursday, 11 March 2010

Spring Things

Photos copyright: Maggie May

I have been a bit set back by excessive tiredness caused by chemo and fighting off a cough/cold. However I think I definitely feel like blogging more today.
I have been trying to do other jobs though, rather than spend all my time on the computer because obviously my house now seems to be suffering from neglect.

I think that the thing that upsets me most about my recent struggle with illness is my lack of independence. I have to see a sick husband struggling to open a gift of flowers, struggling to find the right vase, not knowing about cutting the stems, removing leaves from the lower stems and putting in the plant food. My frustration in being too ill to do it myself. Feeling so helpless.
I have always done things without thinking. I have always had my health.
I have never given a thought that there is no one else to do it if I am laid low.

I looked round the garden the other day and noticed that the snowdrops are not quite as profuse as usual.
They too, have been set back by the hard winter and I have never felt so cold.
Today looks sunny and I hope that I can get out and about without knocking myself back.


Retiredandcrazy said...

Maggie, you have done so much for other people. Now is the time to let them do things for you. I feel your frustration when you look around at all the things that you can't do, but try to relax, your time will come again. My heart goes out to you and Harry, but I know you have great faith and I am sure that this will sustain you through these dark days.

lakeviewer said...

Ah, we learn to let go at these times, to let others give us what they can. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Who is?

Reasons said...

I do understand these physical struggles and the frustration that goes with it. You have my sympathies but I know you won't need it for long because you are obviously full of great spirit and a wonderful coper.

The Green Stone Woman said...

How frustrating that must be for you, Maggie. I hope your health allows you to become independent again soon, like you should be. I suppose you must think about that time and when it will come. It will give you hope and something to look forward to. In the meantime you have to be frustrated. I'm so sorry about that. I would take it very hard too. I'm sure it's no joy at all, eventhough you sometimes get pampered.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh Maggie, that must really be hard. Supposedly there is sunshine coming, I hope that gives you a little more energy.

Akelamalu said...

Get yourself well first then you will be able to do all the things you want to do - it will all wait. x

Helen said...

I think you are handling all of this with amazing grace!

cheshire wife said...

Look after yourself Maggie. The garden and house can wait. You need to be patient and get your strength back. At the moment the sun is deceiving us all and it is still cold outside. I hope that you will soon be feeling better.

Frank Baron said...

Hi Maggie. I don't know you but I'm sorry to hear you're facing some difficult challenges. Allow me to bore you with a short story.

Some years back when going through a very tough time, I asked God to help me out, saying I couldn't take it anymore - that my plate was too full.

A cheerful voice (inside my head) immediately said, "Sure Frank. Glad to help. Here's a bigger plate."

I started laughing and immediately felt better. (And have since written the story and published it in an anthology.)

In my windy way, I'm trying to offer you a smile. If you can summon one up, you might just feel a little bit better. And maybe that will start a domino effect and in a couple of weeks, you'll be out bowling.

As my Dad was fond of saying: Ya' never know.

I wish you and your husband strength, courage, a sense of humour and as big a plate as necessary.

Suburbia said...

Watching a man struggle to do a ''woman's job'' is sad, hard and frustrating. Our independence is everything. I feel for you all Maggie. This too shall pass though.

Best wishes as always


(no internet for a while, so 'see' you in a week or so)

Hilary said...

You must be feeling very frustrated.. that's understandable. I hope you can allow others to do for you at those times. Before too long you'll have your health and strength back, and then there'll be no stopping you. Hang in there, Maggie. I know you're a fighter. :)

aims said...

I think you're doing far better than a lot of people. Keep thinking that - keep thinking - positives x 3.


Sniffles and Smiles said...

Absolutely gorgeous flowers, Maggie...Spring is so full of promise and hope...And I'm praying that your life is full of Springtimes in the coming days and weeks...

Please don't worry about the house or doing must save your strength for the fight...

Also, want to say that the winter I spent without hair was the coldest winter of my is so's the little things, isn't it? I'm so sorry...Wish I could fix it all for deserve so much!!!

Love you very praying ...Wish I could do so much more...Love always~ Janine XO

Monalisa said...

Poor you. It's been a very cold winter - hopefully the sunshine will give you your health back.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I can imagine how frustrating it is Maggie. The most important thing is for both you and your husband to relax and regain your strength. The jobs will wait for as long as it takes. Wishing you both speedy returns to better health. A x

Mimi said...

Oh Maggie, I hear you!
I remember these feelings after having babies, including the flowers, and even though flowers are a lovely gift, they can be "Just one more job" when you're under pressure. I have, on occasion, put them in the bin cos I didn't have the time/energy to do the vase thing. And since those days, I always just bring something more practical at such a time- like say home-made scones.
Hope that doesn't sound ungrateful, it's not meant to be.
Your priority, difficult as it seems, is to rest and get well. There will be lots of time for everything else after that.
Take care, mimi xx

She Writes said...

I hate to lose my independence! I can only imagine how intense that is for you

Jeni said...

You know, from your post today I thought maybe I should tell you something I often say about myself. "Patience is a virtue but I am not a very virtuous person." And me thinks you are suffering with a bit of patience being missing right about now. Have patience with yourself to heal fully; have patience with the housework that you think is being left undone; have patience too with the flowers you think are being left untended and yes, have patience with your husband too as he struggles to help you any way he can. In other words, my dear -don't worry about those things as they will, for the most part, take care of themselves according to their own priorities too. I do hope you were able to get out for a bit of sunshine -today, was just so beautiful here -sunny, bright, just a nice temperature and I hope the skies covering my end of the world were the same for you in your little haven. My biggest issue I think when I was really sick after my surgery with the chemo and dealing with two herniated vertebrae too was the lack or the loss of independence too. Not that it broke my heart that I couldn't clean or do much of anything around the house but more so that I couldn't go anywhere unless I had someone to drive me to and fro and I'd always been used to coming and going when and where as I pleased and that was a difficult thing for me to cope with. But I managed and I survived and I'm still here today to tell you about it too. And I hope to high heavens that I never get grounded like that ever again!

Wendy said...

Oh, that's difficult. I understand in not having your independence. I hope your hubby is o.k., or will soon be back in good health. It's hard when bodies don't do what we want them to.

Lovely snowdrops - I don't have any. I must plant some for next year, as I always enjoy seeing them on others blogs. And your primula is pretty too. A sure sign of spring.

Sending you lots of warm sunshine. Hope you feel better soon.

Brenda said...

You've gotten lots of advice here but I will throw in a few comments as well.

Having just been through chemo and everything, I can assure you that your condition is not permanent. That you will get better and that you will be able to do most, if not all of the things you could do before.

So my advice is to just enjoy the down-time. Find restful things that you enjoy doing and rest assured that this time next year, it will all be different.

Ayak said...

ı can really understand how frustrating it is for you to be unable to do the things you once could. But remember this is only temporary. You will be back to normal in no time. In the meantime, relax a bit and let others do things for you. Bugger the's not important in the wider scheme of things now is it?

Much Love

Linda xx

Anonymous said...

During my small and uninportant brush with dependance I felt the same rush of frustration. You Maggie me dear, have battled a far greater devil and are gradually winning the fight. Do what you can do without stress, do not jeapardize your health...take time for the beauty around you as spring finally breaks through. Your darling husband is doing what he can for love of you. You will have all the time in the world to make it up to him when you are better, that would be he est gift you can give him.


Symphony of Love said...

Take a break and let your body recuperate. You'll be well and up again. I love the snowdrops.

Rose said...

I know it must be frustrating to have to sit back and not be able to do all the things you once did. But as my mother-in-law always said, "They will still be there tomorrow." Housework can wait; gardening can wait. Just take care of yourself and slowly rebuild your strength, Maggie. I hope you can sit outside for awhile and just soak in the beauty of those snowdrops and the lovely planter your friend brought over for you.

Anonymous said...

The garden flowers haven't been good this year, our snowdrops are still there but not in great abundance like they usually are. And the daffs are only just poking through.

CJ xx

Suldog said...

Maggie, relax a bit. So what if the house is a bit less-orderly than usual? You'll be up and able to do something about it later. For now, enjoy fully the things you're able and don't worry about those that are a bit beyond your current capabilities.

Now, that's just my well-meaning advice. It's not an order. Worry, if you want to. But, doesn't relaxing about it make more sense?

the mother of this lot said...

Hope you managed to get out for a bit and are feeling better Maggie x

Wisewebwoman said...

Your post put me in mind of all the snowdrops I would draw as a child, over and over. I loved their shyness, their delicate little heads and spiky leaves, their promise of summer.
Thanks for the memory and with spring will come renewed strength for you wrapped up in promise.

Daphne said...

I too tend to take my health for granted - I have Type 2 diabetes though don't have many problems from it - and I can't imagine how I would feel if I suddenly found I was ill. So I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best. And thank you for visiting my blog - much appreciated.

Marguerite said...

I understand how you feel about not being able to keep up with your normal routine. Perhaps you could add some alkaline foods to your daily diet. ( These foods will restore the ph level of the blood cells and give you more energy. The flowers are lovely and hope the sunshine brightens your day. Hugs and prayers. Marguerite

Anonymous said...

Enjoy the sun and let others give you the gift of support and help.

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MarmiteToasty said...

You have probably spent years looking after others.... so dont worry about 'this time' it to will pass.... you just concentrate on yourself for one..... and hey, the dust will wait as will the ironing etc..... ya see, it will be there again next week even if you did it today :)