Sunday, 28 March 2010

Children's Version of Things

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

After six days I have just managed to get out for a little walk and saw these lovely daffodils growing a long a path. It was a lovely day, in fact there have been some lovely days all week but I haven't felt well enough to go out.
Chemo 5 has not been easy for me and I have felt excessively tired and my skin reacted horribly to it and it will take a good while for the scratches to heal.
I have not felt anywhere near normal and was worried about the effects this is having on my family, not least my granddaughters.

Not long ago, my seven year old granddaughter, Amber came rushing in and said, "I know what your illness is called. Its cancer." That remark went through me like a knife but I didn't let her see that.
As it wasn't a word I have used in front of the children, I thought someone else must have filled her in so I asked her how she knew.
Apparently, there was a programme on Children's TV about a dinner lady who had to miss school for a very long time because she had an illness called cancer. The programme even showed the dinner lady coming back to school in a wig because she had lost her hair.
I was quite impressed by that programme that could have been written about me.

The other day, I was feeling quite miserable with my symptoms and was sitting watching TV, when my five year old granddaughter, Millie, sat on the arm of the chair and snuggled up to me saying, "Grannie, how are you feeling?"
I explained that I was tired & itchy and she told me that I would be better if I went to bed.
She asked me if the good medicine was still fighting the bad things in my body and she asked me if I had been ill for nine years.
It must seem endless to this little child.
She then went on about my hair and told me that she couldn't remember how I had looked before.
I did feel sad for her and hoped she would remember that I hadn't always been like this. I was once energetic and took them out and was a much more interesting Grannie.
She has always been a caring little child and some of the things she said made me feel like weeping.


jinksy said...

Children are more perceptive and empathetic than we give them credit for and are also better equipped for dealing with life as it is then we realise. After all, they are only small people. It's quite clear your little people love you, anyway!

Jeni said...

Take comfort, my friend, that soon this stuff will all just be a bad memory. Really, it will be just that as your strength, your energy, your will to do more (especially with your grandchildren) will begin to return, slowly but before you know it you will be feeling much, much better. I know at times right now it does seem like this crap and the miserable feelings that accompany it will never end, but trust me, it will.

My tulips as well as the jonquils that we have planted in front of the house are up -no buds as yet -but they are all up and growing, which is a good sign. (The jonquils appeared even while there was still almost a foot of snow on the ground within inches of them -almost 3 weeks ago! I was amazed!)

You can compare yourself, and your recovery, to those spring flowers, peeking through the ground even amidst the snow and ice and then, gradually emerging until they will soon be blooming. And when that happens with you, the world around you will look so much brighter, so much more beautiful too as it does change ones perspectives greatly to go through the ordeal of chemo and then, snap back to being who you really are, deep inside.

Akelamalu said...

I wouldn't worry too much about your grandchildren Maggie, they just take things in their stride. You concentrate on getting well. x

RNSANE said...

Dearest Maggie,

I am so sorry this last go round has been so difficult! You are really such a brave soul! My thoughts and prayers are with you every single day.

I'm glad, at least, your walks out and about with the sunny cheer of daffodils. They are so beautiful!

I just returned from a lovely four day cruise out of Miami on the Majesty of the Seas. Saw many dear crew friends...never even got off the ship as I have cruised to Nassau and Key West many times and have vacationed in those spots as well. The trip was more about seeing my friends on the ship.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, heart breaks as I read this...and yet, Jinks is right...children are so perceptive...My son who was only 12 at the time of my chemo was the greatest comfort...and offered me such empathy and compassion...It is obvious that your grandchildren love you a great deal...and no wonder!! You are such a beautiful lady...And when you complete chemo, your hair and strength will return...and these memories of you will fade...Only one more chemo to go...I'm praying for strength and encouragement for you as you leap the final hurdle!!! Love you! Janine XO

Chic Mama said...

I'm sorry the treatment is taking it's toll. I hope you start to feel stronger again very soon. I'm sure your granddaughter will be fine, she probably feels better knowing what is wrong rather than wondering.
Sending good wishes your way, take care. CM x

Chic Mama said...

I'm sorry the treatment is taking it's toll. I hope you start to feel stronger again very soon. I'm sure your granddaughter will be fine, she probably feels better knowing what is wrong rather than wondering.
Sending good wishes your way, take care. CM x

Bernie said...

Children are so intuitive but they are also very resilient....they will be okay Maggie.

I am sorry you have been so ill, is
this the end of your treatment? Once you are done you won't be long getting some energy back and feeling better.

Keeping you in my heart and prayers always Maggie....:-) Hugs

Ayak said...

Oh bless your grandchildren Maggie...they clearly love you a great deal. And bless you too. I wish you weren't suffering so much and I really hope things will be much better very soon.

Lots of Love
Linda xx

Hilary said...

I'm sorry you're feeling poorly, Maggie. Don't worry too much about the kidlets. You're going to get through this, and blossom again just like those beautiful daffodils. You'll soon have this thing beat and you'll be your old self again. Focus on coping with your discomforts. The rest will come in time. Hugs to you.

Working Mum said...

I remember being very frightened as a child when my grandad had cancer because no one talked to me about it (to protect me) and I had no idea what was going on.

I think the fact that your grandchildren can talk to you about it is a very good sign. And they will soon forget the ill granny and have their well granny back. You will soon be that energetic granny again, Maggie, honest.

Mimi said...

Ah Maggie, I feel for you. It's a hrd time you're going through.
I think children say whatever is on their mind at any given time, so she probably has forgotten about it already.
Akemalu is right- just concentrate on getting better. Try to get some rest too.

lakeviewer said...

Little ones have a way of getting right to the core of things. They love you and miss your old you, just as you do. Cheer up. Life shines in many different ways.

Brenda said...

It does get harder towards the end. You are tired and the effects of the chemo are cumulative. I remember looking back at old pictures because I could not remember how I looked with hair. How much more for a child!

You'll get through it. It sounds like you are surrounded by wonderful people.

Dimple said...

Bless you today Maggie. I think God sends comfort when we need it from those who love us and those we love. Your granddaughters love you, be comforted!

Fab, feisty and fifty... said...

such small children have no guile nor dishonesty and can make us feel so cleansed by their purity of thought and word and wonderful to feel that purity wash over you...
children soak it up and it she will always know your heart and love...

saz x

Teacher's Pet said...

Maggie...I'm glad that after 6 days you were able to go out for a walk. What a beautiful sight you beheld and shared with us....gorgeous bright yellow daffodils...a sign of renewing of life. And that's what is happening through the chemo that you are taking, my friend..Your "C" will be taken care of...I know that it will..and you will have the renewed energy again. I am so touched by the love between you and your grandchildren. Aren't they precious...a gift from God.
My prayers continue to be with you. I wish that you weren't suffering with the itching. I can't imagine how uncomfortable that is for you...and I sympathize with you and hold you and hug you and hope that you feel those loving hugs. I love you, Maggie.

Anonymous said...

Those daffodils are beautiful (I have written about them today too). Your granddaughter is obviously very concerned about you and interested to make sure you recover. She sounds like a wonderful child.

Take care, CJ xx

the mother of this lot said...

I am sure that both you and the children will bounce back Maggie. In fact, I'm looking forward to a 'Tigger' post soon! x

Rose said...

Even though Millie may have forgotten what your natural hair looked like, Maggie, I'm sure she hasn't forgotten all the special times she's shared with you. Most of all, she knows how much you love her--and that's the most important thing of all.

Gosh, I sure hope you feel better soon. I just read Jeni's comment, and her words of wisdom are so inspiring. Hang in there, Maggie!

The Green Stone Woman said...

Keep thinking of when you´ll be better again, Maggie. You´ll do lots of fun things with those girls and make new memories.


cheshire wife said...

Children are far more adaptable than we expect them to be. In a years' time your grand daughters will have forgotten that you were ever ill. I know you wont. Only one more chemo to go, then every day you will be better.

aims said...

Oh Maggie. I'm sorry you are feeling so yucky! I hope the good things are valiantly fighting the bad things too. Your grandchildren are precious and obviously do love their Grannie no matter what.

Positives x 5 now Maggie. I'm counting on you!

Marguerite said...

Children are very perceptive and caring and your granddaughters love you so much! Sorry that the meds are getting you down, but am glad that you could go for a nice walk and see the lovely daffodils. Perhaps if you put some pure aloe vera gel on the skin, it will relieve some of the itching. My prayers are with you. Hugs and blessings, Marguerite

Mickle in NZ said...

Dearst Maggie - when I was Millie's age my dear Mum was in hospital for 5 weeks and it seemed so incredibly long to me.

As others have written, children are resilient, and they will remember when Granny wasn't well - they will also remember your incredible inner strength and absolute love for them.

Hoping you now feel very much better and can get out and enjoy the wonders of Spring. Growing up in a mostly evergreen land I never fully appreciated the changing seasons until I spent an Autumn, Winter and early Spring in England (1987/88). Now I look for the signs nature gives each season.

Sending love and care, Michelle and my purrball, Zebby. xxx and purrrrumbles

She Writes said...

This maes my heart ache for you all.

xxDear Maggie!

Helena said...

She sounds like a real chip off the old block, as my dad would say! What a bright wee girl.

Granny Smith said...

I'm so sorry that this round of chemo has been so rocky. Take comfort in the fact that your grandchildren love you so much and that they will have their well and hearty grandmother back when your treatments take effect.

Your photo of daffodils is full of promise of a bright season coming. Here they bloom around rhododendrons accompanied by tulips and grape hyacinths.


Life with Kaishon said...

Oh, Miss Maggie. I hurt for you. I pray for you. I know that you will overcome this. I just know. I love that you are surrounded by your grandchildren. I know they adore you. How could they not!

Would love if you entered the communal global picture challenge any time over the next five days. The prize is gifts from all around the world and I think it would cheer you.


Wendy said...

I love those gorgeous daffodils! Spring is my favourite season of all! I hope you can get out and enjoy more nice warm days.

Your grandchildren are so caring. And they are learning to show empathy for you. I think that's a good lesson. Of course you will get your hair back and look normal once more. And the grandkids will forget all about when you were sick.

Sending you healing hugs,

Anonymous said...

What compassionate children... what a blessing they are! It seems to me they love you as you are and not just as you were (and will be again, I hope).

Expat mum said...

If nothing else Maggie, it will teach them compassion and they will be better humans because of it. Hope you feel better soon.

Suburbia said...

You have done so well Maggie. You will be that Granny again, you still are in fact :)

Hang on in there



Iota said...

Oh Maggie, I'm thinking of you.