Saturday, 10 July 2010

Bear With A Wish

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

This is the bear that Amber saved up for months to buy. It was bought in The Bear Factory and has a little heart inside with her wish in it.
If only all our wishes could be met by buying a bear. It would make things so much easier. I would wish for a peaceful environment to live in.

One of the good things that has happened over the last two weeks, is that I am now going back to the After School Club twice a week.
I have been off sick for about six months and one little six year old, a real character, said to me, *Where the heck have you been?*
I felt as though I'd been on the tiles or misbehaving in some way, however, it did provide me with a chuckle.
The children were quite interested in my hair and when I explained that I had to take strong medicine to help make me better but that it made me lose my hair, one 7 year old said, *Oh, I know what that illness is called. It is called cancer and my uncle died of it.*
Children tell things how it often is.
I don't feel I have the energy to work longer hours, at present and come home very tired but it is a challenge to me.

I am used to children having tantrums, though my own grandchildren and the children at school do not have them very often these days (if at all.) However, one thing that I learned was not to reward them by giving in to their demands while they are having a tantrum. It is best to ignore this kind of behaviour and reward children when they do something that you can praise them for.
What I am not qualified to do though, is handle a grown up having a tantrum and demanding things that they want.
All my instincts and child training tells me that I should handle this by using the same principle.

Once you give in to bullying from a grown up....... there is no end to the demands they will make.
As usual, I am always pleased to read your comments and realise that you may well disagree with me.


Suburbia said...

I agree with you and am wondering which adult it is? Is it your neighbour problem? I so hope not, as that is a horrible thing to live with and difficult to get away from.

I sense a tiredness in you Maggie, something is getting you down... You have overcome so much recently, I really hope this next challenge can be overcome sooner rather than later, for your sake.



PS thanks for your supportive comment at mine

Teri said...

Amen to not giving in to bullies... be they 3 or 53!!! It reenforces the behavior and you'll just see it again and again and again.

After all, if it works... it works.

Jeni said...

Oh, wouldn't it be loverly though if everyone could have a "heart" built in like that bear though? Oh, I know we all do have heart or we wouldn't be here, functioning but I mean -and I think you do too -have a heart in the sense of responding to others with care, love and peace.
As to the tantrums -living with children that can go into a tantrum or meltdown at the drop of a hat -it has always been our theory to try to address the issue and not allow them to be in "control" by being able to stage these things at will. Not that we are always successful at calming the child -or children -all the time, but we decided early on that if they had a tantrum or meltdown and by doing that, they got their way each time, we would be doing a terrible disservice to them because life does not operate in that vein and we have to learn proper behavior, manners, respect for others and for one's self too -things that children do not learn if tantrums are simply ignored or if they are given into and the child gets his/her own way. Trying to discipline a child in the throes of a meltdown is no easy task for sure, but it is something that, if it is not done, will then later surface and create a host of problems for everyone.

Ayak said...

I agree with the principal of ignoring bad behaviour in children and rewarding good. I don't really know if the same principal can be applied to adults though. An adult should be past having tantrums anyway...give them a good slap would be my advice! Haha...only joking maggie...I guess ignoring works up to a point...but then what? I don't know!

Anonymous said...

I love the bear, with the hear inside. You know that wish was made with lots of love.

Glad you got back to visit the children. Your right, children tell it exactly how it is. Working with children all these years has taught me that. They say it, exactly how they see it. No filters.

I agree with you about tantrums, since it is attention they want and giving it feeds right into it. As for adults, it is even worse. I'm totally with you on that and my tolerance for it is dropping dramatically, being with my now 18 year old daughter, or any of my teen's tantrums. My husband is the worse. He seems stuck, developmentally at the age of toddler, when he is angry. I just walk away and ignore him I can't handle the yelling, in fact as the years go on, I just get more and more angry on the inside.

I like the way you look at things.

Don't over do it. Make sure you get your rest it.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree Maggie
negative reinforcement is bad rewarding good behaviour is the way to go
So glad you are back in work Maggie

Sue said...

glad to hear that you are able to return to some of the activities you value.

the principle of avoiding providing positive reinforcement for bad behavior (tantrums) in childhood is one that has served well for me, but I realize in reading your piece, that I forget to apply that principle to adults. I can think of someone at work that I ought to try it.

The only time ignoring is not possible is when the adult is using violence against others as part of their tantrum -- then one needs to get as far away as possible.

SandyCarlson said...

I definitely needed to read that. Thanks.

Eddie Bluelights said...

You are right Maggie! Rewards should be given only for good things.

Professor Skinner used this principle to teach children.


slommler said...

I don't disagree at all. Bad behavior is bad no matter what age. And ignoring it is always the best!!

Rosey said...

This sort of reminds me of my grandpa. Although most of his bad behavior was because of his stroke, he sure treated my grandma poorly near the end of his life. I wish she would have told him off but she was so loving even though he was royal pain. What does this comment even have to do with bullying? Not sure but tantrums always remind me of my g-pa and that makes me sad now.

Thanks for the comment on my blog and I really hope that life doesn't get you down too much. Hugs!

Ocean Girl said...

Hello Maggie May. Thank you for your visit during the Roast and for your kind comments. Your brother is a charming man and I am happy to meet you.

Bernie said...

No disagreement here my friend, I loathe an adult being a bully or demanding......I would never reward bad behavior from either a child or an adult. I love children, and usually one can reason with them but I'm afraid that my patience for bad behaving adults is very thin. They know better.
I do hope you are not over doing it Maggie and that you and Harry are doing well enjoying summer.
We are having a wonderful summer now and I am loving every moment of it......Big hugs sweetie...:-)

MarmiteToasty said...

A quick jab with a knuckle in the side of the head often works with sorting out adult bullies to ;)

Nice to see that you've back be it for a few hours at the after school club, I bet they have missed you like crazy.....

Ive not had much time to Twaddle or blob around, Im hoping that will change this coming week as 'things setting down' it dont mean you have not been in my thoughts though...... huge hugzssss


Working Mum said...

I agree you should not give in and hanging your chimes up again shows that, but I don't think an adult tantrum can be dealt with in the same way as a child's. A child will calm down and learn new behaviour, an adult won't.

Really, this needs to be sorted out face to face, and this person has behaved childishly by not doing so, but I suspect they need to have their gripe heard before they'll stop, otherwse it will just become a stand off.

It's a shame you don't know who it is or you could be the grown up and go and sort it out with them. I'm sure you could come to some agreement about the chimes, if only they talked to you reasonably about it!

Akelamalu said...

An adult throwing a tantrum is nothing more than a child anyway and as such should be treated like one - so I agree with you. :)

Glad you're well enough to have gone back to work. :)

Rose said...

Wouldn't it be nice to have a little bear grant all our wishes? Glad to hear you're back at work and enjoying it. The child who asked you where you had been made me chuckle. Kids can be so honest. Adults are another matter...I don't know who the adult bully is but I hope you deal with him head-on.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

I think that you are right, Maggie. Hope you are not getting too tired these days but you must do what makes you feel better ultimately. Just hearing that one remark: "Where the heck have you been?" Gives us/you smiles to last the week!

Love the bear! Hxx

secret agent woman said...

I agree. I'd only cater to a bully as a temporary measure to get myself safety if there was a physical threat. But if it is verbal tantrumming, no way. Never negotiate with terrorists, right?

Joey said...

I'm guilty as charged by letting people get by with bullying me for too many years.... and finally realizing how much it really hurts.

I'm in the process of working on me now.

Thank you, Maggie.

Nessa said...

The bear is adorable.

I agree with you about bully's.

Lakeland Jo said...

I agree with your strategy on the tantrum! Either that or a slap round the head ( blame the chemo- I do for every naughty deed!!) XX

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Quite right Maggie - I do agree with you about not rewarding bad behaviour in any way, at any time. Good to hear you now feel able to go to the after school activities again and the children were obviously pleased to see you. A x

gaelikaa said...

oh, are right, you know!

Suldog said...

It's a lovely bear and teddies DO have some fairly amazing powers. They only use them for those they love, you know, so you should be OK!