Sunday, 26 April 2015

Tinged With Sadness...........

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

The past two weeks have been a time for adjusting to our new situations.
I started off by feeling rested with renewed energy after many months of little sleep because of  the constant demands of being a carer. Harry and I were both accepting of the fact that we now have to live apart as I cannot cope with him unable to walk or stand.
However, I'm now beginning to feel much more sad, as the unrealistic reality of the possibility of him ever coming home or recovering, is setting in.
At first, Harry seemed to be improving and I seriously questioned whether he really needed to be in the care home. It is now apparent, as his illness is taking more and more of him away from me, that he will not be able to manage anywhere else.
He is increasingly tired and wants to spend more and more time in bed sleeping.
I don't think he really needs anything more as the nurses and helpers are giving him excellent care, spoon feeding him when he's too tired to feed himself and keeping him clean etc.
I spend most of my days visiting him and if he wants to sleep then I quietly get on with my knitting or read my book.
Sometimes he doesn't remember anyone going and often misses visits completely, other times, he sits in his chair and talks or watches TV. He's never the same twice and seems to be predictably unpredictable. I think this is the hardest thing for me to cope with as I swing from renewed hope to despair and back in a constant circle.

Yesterday, my brother, Eddie  whose blog many of you follow, managed to drive over to see Harry, together with our cousin Rod. Harry and I were particularly pleased to see long lost cousin but also Eddie, who has been restricted from travelling because of his really horrible leg ulcer, that is now responding quite dramatically to the skill of the district nurses. After we'd seen Rod onto his train to the north west of England, Eddie ran me home and we bought a fish and chip supper and spent some time together before he headed back for home.

On the positive side, I do receive a lot of pleasure from my garden and the spring flowers that are now in full bloom. It is my favourite time of the month, but this year it's tinged with sadness.

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

21 comments:

Gosia k said...

Definitely your situation is not easy one to cope with. So take care and greetings for you both Gosia

Eddie Bluelights said...

Lovely to see you and Harry yesterday, with our dear cousin Rod.
Now I am getting better I will see you more often ~ so sorry to see Harry like that, but he did manage to join in the conversation through his pain and it was very touching when we all joined hands while Rod said a prayer . . . I could tell Harry really loved and appreciated that, as he squeezed our hands and smiled . . . I know it is very difficult for you Maggie and it is a difficult road you are travelling, a road I knew myself two years ago with my dear Maria . . . . Love you big sis ~ Eddie x

GRANNY G said...

Prayers winging their way to you from Surrey. xx

Working Mum said...

Take heart in the fact that you are doing the best for Harry. My thoughts are with you. WM x

dianefaith said...

Beautifully written, Maggie. You're sad, but there's always a light that shines through when you write about yourself and Harry. Take care.

Jackie said...

Know that I pray for you and for Harry every day, Maggie.
Love to you.....
Jackie

Wisewebwoman said...

All the way from Newfoundland I send you a big hug. Change is never easy. Particularly with a loved one.

XO
WWW

Shammickite said...

Such a difficult time for both of you. So hard to accept what is clearly the best solution for your Harry's health and your wellbeing at the moment. Be strong. Hugs.

rosaria williams said...

I'm saddened with you. But Harry needs a twentyfourhour care that many people can provide. You and he are lucky to have such care. It's not what you may want or wish for, but it is the best situation at this time. You need to care for yourself, and continue to be the bright light for Harry. Sending best wishes.

Celia said...

I'm keeping you and Harry in my prayers. Rest up and know you have done your best for Harry and when you are with him you'll have the energy to there for him. It's a tough place you're in. Hugs from me to you.

Retired English Teacher said...

My heart is full of sadness for you. It must be so difficult to see Harry in this state. Hugs and prayers to you dear Maggie. Take joy in the beauty of the season. Know many think of you with love and care.

Rose said...

Seeing a loved one change like this is not easy, but I hope you are reassured that he is in the best place for care. May the joys of spring lift your spirits. Hugs to you, Rose

Leilani Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leilani Lee said...

Hugs to you Maggie May at this difficult time. Cherish each moment you have with him, even if he is sleeping.

Secret Agent Woman said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. That's just such a difficult situation and so heart-breaking. Sending you my good thoughts. <3

Suburbia said...

Maggie, just catching up with you - I'm so sorry for your sadness. My thoughts are very much with you.
S x

Akelamalu said...

I'm keeping both you and Harry in my prayers Maggie. xx

Wendy said...

Oh Maggie, my heart goes out to you. This takes me back to when my dear David was so ill and had to stay in hospital.
All I wanted was for him to come home - but knew he couldn't.

As others have said, Harry is in the best place for his needs right now. I understand your sadness and know those ups and downs can be very stressful. Some days you don't know which way to turn!

Sending lots of prayers to you both. Your love is strong and will see you through.
Hugs

Jinksy said...

And I'm adding my love to those comments others have so aptly written.
Your blue flower pots zing out amongst the greenery in your garden, like your words zing out from your blogpage. ♥

Bernie said...

I'm so sorry Maggie, it will so different to you with Harry not in the house. Some days will be much better than others. I will keep you both in my prayers. Stay strong sweet lady. Sending big hugs and many prayers, xo

Expat mum said...

Oh Maggie, this brought a tear. I don't know what else to say. x