Saturday, 12 December 2009

Three Days before Christmas......

Photos copyright: Maggie May


This Christmas will be really different for me. You see, I will be having my first treatment of chemotherapy on 22nd of December, which is only three days before Christmas Day.
I am glad to be finally starting the treatment. It seems that I have been waiting for ever for chemo. I'm not sure how long it actually is but I do know what has held up the true diagnosis and start of the treatment.
Right from the beginning, I was warned that I had secondary cancer and that it was difficult to find the source. Now I have a definite diagnosis that is called Occult Cancer or CUP ( cancer from unknown primary.) It is fairly rare not to know where the cancer has come from and only about 3-4% of all cancers belong to this group and to make matters worse, out of that small minority, I am in the 30% of the rarer still cancers.
So treating this cancer will be a bit hit and miss.
I told you before that I am awkward......... or shall we call it special!

Anyway, I have to trust God that the treatment will shrivel up my three tumours and give me a long remission.
I know that many people are believers and praying for me all over the world and others are sending me warm, positive thoughts, reiki and anything else that might benefit me. I am grateful to all who are doing this, I really am.

Last Sunday in Church, I suddenly experienced a tremendous peace that came over me and I know it is all about the power of prayer. I went forward for healing and felt very calm inside. I am lucky to have a really good church family as well as all you lovely people.
I also have neighbours, friends and workmates who are all sending me love, warmth and good wishes and I know that every one really cares what happens to me. So I feel very blessed by these people and I know that I will have to hang on to all this when the going gets tough over the next few months.

I finished work last Friday, until further notice and felt really tearful and emotional about that. However it means that I have a week to catch up with my Christmas preparations that have been sadly neglected.
I have had to have a swine flu injection before I could have the chemo. This has made me feel quite ill, but I am over the worst of that now.
I am also going for a fitting for a wig soon (which I might never wear) and have also ordered some suitable headwear (in case I don't like the wig) from a firm on the internet that specialises in chemotherapy patients' head gear.
So I am all set for whatever the treatment throws at me. Let it come.






41 comments:

SandyCarlson said...

I hope you are feeling good and strong for Christmas and that your preparations are pure pleasure. You deserve that. Thanks for the update on your health and your activities. You are a lovely person. God bless.

Teacher's Pet said...

Maggie....I read your blog and felt a peace...a wonderful peace.
I hug you, my friend...and know that the days before you wait will be anxious ones. God has everything in control...and I can't think of Anyone else that I would want at my Control Panel. You are covered from here, my friend...I can assure you of that. I'm looking at my prayer journal as I type...I smile as I see your name. It is and has been first in my journal for some time. The good news is that I have two prayers marked off (and dated!)...I love it when I can do that...and I thank God for "Yes" answers. I know he says, "Wait"...and sometimes "No"...and you know something, Maggie...I'll share this with you (and anyone who has had the patience to read this far in my tooo long comment :)) )...if God had answered "Yes" to everything I have asked him for, I would be in trouble right now. He does know best. Saying that, though, I do believe that a resounding "Yes" from heaven will be heard soon....and as you go through your chemo, I pray with all my heart that it is bearable, does exactly what it was intended to do...and that if you lose your hair, it will come back like a friend of mine's hair who had chemo came back. It was as straight as a stick before chemo, and afterwards, it was the most beautiful head of THICK soft curls I've ever seen...and the color...Ohhh..I can't tell you how beautiful her hair was when it came back.
Know that you are in my thoughts...I'm sending happy ones your way...and thank you for reading all the way to the end of this comment. Jackie can get carried away...but I say and type everything that I do to you with much love and hope...the greatest hope in the world. Praise His name for what He is going to do through you.
With love,
Jackie

Mimi said...

Maggie, you're a brave and wonderful lady, that's why we're all rooting for you.
Hang in there, the sooner it's started, the sooner you can finish it and get on with your life.
I'm so glad you're at peace, but I'll continue sending love,light and positive energy your way.

Bernie said...

You will be fine Maggie, I just know it.....I don't think you will be really ill over Christmas but then I am only going from what I experienced with chemo, I have to admit I did get more ill with each treatment. I love how you are preparing for what is ahead of you, at least as much as you can.
Be sure to take many naps and have lots of good nourishment to help you keep away any infections. Know that you are in my heart and prayers always....:-) Hugs

Eddie Bluelights said...

Wonderful post by my wonderful sister.
I love your fighting spirit - it will help enormously and it is wonderful that all our friends are praying for you all round the world - not many people have that! - God will listen and act I am sure.
I hope the physical discomfort of the treatment is gentle with you.
God Bless ~ Eddie
We are all behind you and Harry. x

Thumbelina said...

You'll be fine. Three reasons -

You're special (and that's why you're different)
I was born on 22nd December (and I'm praying for you)
Most important - God won't forget you.

(((( Maggie ))))

Thumbelina said...

PS I used to have grey hair till I had chemo. It grew back with it's colour. True!

lakeviewer said...

Take care of yourself. This is your time, and nobody else's. They can all wait; they can all pitch in and help. Let it rip...

Ayak said...

Maggie. Your posts are an inspiration. You always make me stop and put things into perspective. I envy the strength of your faith that clearly helps you through this difficult time. We will all be thinking of you on the 22nd.
Much Love
Linda xxx

St Jude said...

You are right, you are a special person. You have your faith and an army of friends from around the world on your side and when you feel tired or down they will pick you up. Take care xoxo

Jeni said...

The fact that you now know when the chemo will start, more about what to expect from its impact too and other knowledge garnered about your cancer all are pulling together now to pull you together to be the best fighter possible in your treatment plan. All of that too does bring a sense of peace and calm over a person as it gives you that much more resolve.
And yes, I do believe the network that has spun out across the world -via your friends, family and bloggers -is at work too, providing you a robe with which to wrap yourself in its protection too.
Wishing you all the peace and calm you need to do your battle and love to go with it.

Granny on the Web said...

Dear Maggie
Let the peace you felt in church stay in your heart and mind as you face this treatment. Not a nice thing at any time, but at Christmas... what a bummer.
Our 'special' prayers at our weekly small group from church, is a time we mention all peoples names that need special prayers for illness. You will indeed be mentioned again.
God knows you are human, and the frailties that are us. I trust He will have His watchful eye over you.
Love Granny

Life with Kaishon said...

I am praying, praying, praying for you Miss Maggie. God can do amazing things. I love that you felt peace in church on Sunday. Peace is precious.

Moannie said...

Dear Maggie, I am sending you hugs and love and energy. Fight the bugger with all your might. I'm also swearing like a trooper damned ugly nasty thing-out out!

Retiredandcrazy said...

You and OG sure are awkward with your rare cancers aren't you? OG's seems to be so rare that they can't even define it!

All joking aside Maggie our prayers and thoughts are with you. You have an amazing capacity for helping others, now you sit back and let others help you and Harry.

Cheryl said...

I hope that your Christmas will be wonderful and you'll be feeling well.

I always feel a sense of peace when I read your blog or when I read your comments, so I'm happy to hear that your are feeling a sense of peace from the Lord above. That is a clear message, he will hold you in his loving arms and take care of you.

Sending you love, hugs and healing thoughts. I appreciate the update, as you have been on my mind so much.

Take care and have a blessed holiday.
XOXOXXO
Cheryl

Rose said...

Maggie, you are indeed special, and not because of the cancer. You are an inspiration to all of us with your positive attitude and fighting spirit. I hope the chemo goes well and you can enjoy Christmas with your family.

The power of prayer is remarkable, and with so many people caring about you, there must be lots of positive energy flowing your way.

Blessings to you,

Rose

Dimple said...

I am thankful you have felt God's peace. He is in charge, and He loves you, Maggie May. Blessings on you today.

Robert said...

Every person is special in different ways, but I do wish you all the best .

Betty said...

I hope you will continue to feel God´s peace and his guidance in these coming days!

cheshire wife said...

I am hoping, for your sake, that the treatment will not be as bad as you are expecting it to be. God does not give us anything that we can not handle. Christmas will be different and special. I hope that you will be able to enjoy it.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Dearest Maggie, Today is not a day on which I comment, but I simply must send you my love and prayers...and respond to this beautiful and courageous post...Your chemo day is marked on my calendar...and I will be praying as the day approaches and beyond...

I wanted you to know that my mother's cancers' primaries were never identified either...They presented her case before the medical board for discussion, and ended up simply slapping a label on it for insurance purposes... Needless to say, it is initially unsettling to have such a nebulous diagnosis, but as you well know, it doesn't prevent them from effectively treating cancer...

Chemo is strong stuff...AND I'm hanging onto faith for you as well...trusting that your chemo will be extraordinarily effective, and that you will have a long and happy remission...

I'm also praying for strength for you as you walk this path...and for relief from tremendous discomfort or illness as a result of the chemo...please do take good care of yourself...drink lots of water prior, during and after (it is such a simple thing, and will make such a difference in how you feel in the days after...When I failed to drink enough water, those treatments made me violently ill...with water prior, they weren't great, but endurable)...

And finally, please know that we all love you so very, very much! You are a beautiful woman, and I'm so grateful to know you! ~Janine XO

P.S. My hair came back better than ever...softer and thicker...

And I hated the wigs...wore French berets, ski caps, and turbans...much more comfortable...and can look very stylish with plenty of jewelry...

Also, I found that if I wore a wig, people didn't know I was a cancer patient...and when I was THAT sick, I needed people to give me grace...they aren't as gracious or patient in stores etc. if they don't know...

And so I found it better to look a chic cancer patient, and allow others to assist me...than to cover it up so completely, and be expected to keep up a healthy pace when I was actually, very ill...

Needless to say, I only wore the wig on Sundays...so hot and itchy...My heart is with YOU!!!! Love you!!! ~J.

Akelamalu said...

Oh bless you Maggie, you are so positive and that will stand you in good stead for what lies ahead. I will keep you in my prayers, send positive thoughts and as much Reiki as I can muster. God is good. x

The Green Stone Woman said...

Your head is in the right place, Maggie. That counts for a lot. I like the way you are dealing with this. You sound very sensible and brave. And you're thinking about practical matters. I'm very proud of you and proud to know you. Have a good time getting ready for Christmas. Make it as pretty as you can.

(((Hugs)))

MarmiteToasty said...

((((Maggie)))) well you never did things the simple way :) - rare or not, this will be overcome, as I type my dear friend Susan has just undergone throat and stomach surgery due to cancer, but her chemo on a very rare high risk cancer seems successful and the surgery is just an added precaution...... you know you are in my deep thoughts....... I double dare you to get a curly ginger wig :)

know you are loved...

x

Chic Mama said...

My thoughts are with you....there is nothing more powerful than positive thinking.
Just think of each treatment as one step nearer the end of the treatment and blitzing those tumours smaller.
Take care.

Suburbia said...

So glad you felt the peace, it is enough to heal alone, that feeling.

So glad too that you are surrounded but such caring people.

With you all the way

Sx

Mary G said...

Head up and striding forward. That's our Maggie.
May it go well for you.

Ribbon said...

i;m very sorry to read of your circumstance and I wish for you to have all the support and love you need to rid your self of this disease.

all the best wishes
Ribbon xx

Marguerite said...

You are such an inspiration to others and I am so happy that you feel peaceful and positive. We lifted you up, in church this morning, and our whole congregation is praying for you. Hope you have a lovely time with your family in the week ahead. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, as always. Blessings, Marguerite

Crystal Jigsaw said...

You always seem peaceful to me, I shouldn't wonder that you gave a lot of others your peace too. So many people care about you as you say, and all our healing vibes can only do good.

Take care as always, CJ xx

Valerie said...

Maggie, I'm glad you had that period of calm and I hope you have many more. Jackie said it all, you can't go wrong with God in control. My thoughts and prayers will be with you on the lead up and during the procedure. God bless.

'My Christmas Reading'
http://tinyurl.com/ydzcty8

Expat mum said...

You may not even need a wig! My friend's hair just went really curly! Anyway, I am thinking of you and hope the chemo doesn't knock you off your feet.
xx

aims said...

Positive Positive Positive.

You are a fighter Maggie - and a winner.

Never Forget that.

Nessa said...

My prayers are with you, Maggie.

Nicholas

Denise said...

Hi Maggie, I'd like to add my positive healing energies and prayers to this long list of blogging friends. When you're in remission it will be a great celebration. Sending a big hug from here in Virginia.

Absolutely Write said...

God bless you Maggie x. Reading the comments above mine reminds me how many people are touched by cancer in some way and have stories to tell. I hope the treatment starts well, and I hope you have a lovely family Christmas.

RNSANE said...

Along with everyone else, I send my prayers and hopes for the best recovery possible. You are amazing in your attitude and stoicism...though, of course, I know you have probably cried plenty and had your periods of ranting and raving...which are important. I hope that your side effects from the chemo are minimal and that you enjoy Christmas with your loved ones.

Hilary said...

You're a strong lady, my friend. And I admire your faith.

Thinking only the very best for you, Maggie.

Hugs

Suldog said...

As you know, my prayers are said and being said. Trust in His grace.

Dottie said...

Thoughts and prayers with you through this, dear Maggie. Ma Tante, who has finished her Chemo, starts her Radiotherapy after Christmas. She chose to wear the wig, and looks really great in it to everyone's great surprise. It is a bit itchy though, and she chooses alternative headgear when she can. Much love to you, special person. Dot x