Thursday, 25 February 2010

Spouting On

Photo copyright: Maggie May

As you know, I have been feeling quite yucky this week, when I should have been having my treatment. Apart from the rag jacket making and very short walks I haven't done anything at all in the hope that I would pick up. I was also eating foods high in zinc as I have researched that zinc is supposed to help build up the white cells.
Harry started with a hacking cough yesterday, sneezing everywhere and I was obviously worried about the potential to disaster if I caught it. I am not normally paranoid about infections but when you have an immune system that isn't working properly it makes you wonder where it could lead to.
Harry was also upset in case he gave me a lethal dose of infection, so he put on a face mask (which had my visitors creased up with laughter.)
Because he can be very thoughtful, he decided to sleep downstairs last night and I must admit to having slept really well and it was about 6am before I realised that he was missing! Unfortunately, he said he didn't sleep very well at all. We will have to rethink that situation.
Anyway, today I feel my body is picking up and I know I am recovering.
The Minister from our church came round to see me yesterday (when I was in a much more negative frame of mind) and she did help to make me feel better and I have been practising giving my worries to God and leaving them there with him. Not easy when you are genetically predisposed to worry.
So three cheers for helpful people. Thank you everyone for prayers and positive vibes or whatever you are sending me. I do realise that I am leaning heavily on other people while I am laid low. It isn't always easy to pray for myself just now. It all seems very profound.

I often listen to the radio while I am in bed and listen to Five Live....... which is a talk show. It helps me to sleep and to ignore my tinnitis that has become very loud since chemo. I find music is too stimulating and wakes me up. This Radio Station (at night time) discusses anything that is topical in the news. Some subjects are obviously more interesting than others. However something I heard recently made me really cross.
The subject was *infidelity* and I am already reeling from the amount of people who have been *dumped* lately. Seems to be very much on the increase.
Well a woman rang in to say that she had been preparing the family wash and checked the pockets (as you do) of her husband's trousers, only to find a letter from a woman saying that "I am really glad to be carrying your baby." Just like that..... after what she considered to be eight years of happy marriage. Obviously, this woman tackled her husband about the letter and he admitted to an affair but said that it was over. The wife was (very generously I thought) thinking that there was still a chance of carrying on with the marriage when her husband then went on " but I am seeing someone else now."
This phone call was followed by a whole series of others and one from a man who said he had been cheating on his wife for years and she didn't suspect a thing. Several other men implied the same thing. What is going on? I am sure there are plenty of spouses who are completely faithful. However I am very disillusioned right now. Am I alone in that?


Anonymous said...

Its not new Maggie is it , may be because of the ways to communicate these days being caught out is easier
I am amazed at the numbers having internet relationships,never actually meeting other than IM ,email and webcam.
It doesnt seem to be the case that being faithful is paart of a marriage or a relationship.
I wonder how many wives , husbands partners etc , turn a blind eye to what goes on.
In certail countries its considered ok for the husband but not the wife, how sad is that in this day and age.
Funny old world
keep positive and keep the faith xx

softinthehead said...

Yes I find it depressing too Maggie. I meant those words when I said them to my husband 33 years ago but I believe he did too. He is always very disapproving when he hears that friends etc have acted that way. I can understand if a marriage goes wrong/breaks down and people leave, but cheating is lying!! Glad to hear you are feeling better today.

jinksy said...

I have a sneaking suspicion it's time that humanity at large re-thought the whole idea of fidelity. I don't think people have suddenly changed their habits - I think ''twas ever thus', but now the whole subject is more out in the open. Maybe the main thing is for partners to be honest from the outset, and make sure they both share the same views, instead of finding out to late they are on opposite sides of the fidelity fence.

gaelikaa said...

Sometimes it seems like the world is going crazy, but there are still good people around although the lines between good and bad seem to be blurred at times, good is always right and bad is always wrong.

Rest in the Lord and let him take care of you right now. Praying for you.

French Fancy said...

First of all Maggie I am sorry to hear that you've been so poorly and am glad you feel you are picking up a bit.

When it comes to infidelity, I have no forgiveness in me whatsoever. My views are very traditional and I'm lucky that Mr FF feels the same way. I could never carry on behind someone's back and I have been propositioned a few times over the years by married men and I have then told them what I thought of them.

There is no excuse as far as I'm concerned - one strike and you are out.I would never take back anyone who cheated on me and women and men who do are mugs.

Alix said...

Nope. You're not alone. I think that as a whole, humanity is losing its moral compass because society has loosened the reins on what is considered acceptable behavior. Seems like anything goes these days. Bored? Have an affair. Stressed? Have an affair. Life passing you by? Have an affair.

Temptation is everywhere, but when you love and appreciate the people in your life, you remain true to them.

Glad you're feeling better and getting stronger! I'm sure you will feel even better once Old Man Winter finally takes a hike.

Valerie said...

The other day I heard a radio programme on the subject of infidelity, and it seemed to me that men were being excused (by experts) on the basis that they 'couldn't help it.' Apparently sex isn't seen in the same light and to them it doesn't mean a thing. Woweee! I am pleased to say that my husband is completely - and I'm not deceived - faithful. He wouldn't dream of breaking his vows.
Hey, Maggie, that's one way to ignore tinnitus - I must try it.

Working Mum said...

Just off to check my husband's trousers........ (just joking!)

Expat mum said...

I have always said that it could happen to anyone (affairs, that is) but how devastating would it be to find a note like that?
Hope you feel better soon.

Akelamalu said...

You're not alone in your thinking Maggie. I think couples today just don't have the same commitment. They seem to think it's OK to have affairs. We've been together for 38 years I would be devastated to find out that my hubby had an affair, it's something I couldn't forgive. My friend's husband has had numerous affairs and they are still together, though I think she's mad! :(

Akelamalu said...

Oh sorry I meant to say I'm glad you're feeling a little better. I'm still sending you positive vibes and Reiki m'dear. x

Rose said...

How sweet of Harry to sleep downstairs and wear a face mask to keep you from getting his cold. You're not paranoid about worrying; viruses can certainly be worse on a person with a weakened immune system. It's understandable you're feeling rather negative, Maggie; my Dad is not himself these days, and I think it's just because he's not used to being ill and is discouraged by how long it's taking him to feel better once again.

As for the infidelity issue, I'm dumbfounded by some of the stories I hear, too. In our small town, such stories usually become the fodder for local gossip. I can't believe what some people do!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

I like the practice of handing your worries to God to deal with - what a lovely thing to try. Maggie you are one of the first people who helps out with great advice and support on all of our blogs. I know it is hard but it gives others a chance to give something back to you for all the support you have given us. I hope you are feeling better today.

As for the infedelity thing - I am forever shocked that people I know have had affairs and would have more if the chance was there. It sickens me as they are so judgemental of others too. Horrid people. X

aims said...

Here I am my friend with my Positives x 3! You weren't supposed to forget those while I was away!

You will pick up. You are made of much stronger stuff than most people I know. Remember that too!

Now about infidelity. I have been in relationships where the man was galloping around with other women all the time. Off the top of my head I can think of 4 at least and if I dug farther back I'm sure I could pick up a few more.

Once you've been in that kind of relationship and suffered that incredible pain - you never really trust anyone ever again. You are always on the watch and always checking. There is an insecurity that follows you everywhere.

I am fortunate now to have found someone who doesn't look and thinks the sun rises and sets on me. It has given me the stability I need.

Any person who strays in a relationship deserves an immediate boot. Thoughts of taking them back to try and make it work just aren't worthy of them and it never works the same again.

Been there done that don't want to be in that situation ever again.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Glad you are beginning to feel a little better Maggie and hope it continues. Hope Harry is soon feeling better too.

Some of the chat shows and the things that go in other people's lives really amaze me and I think it is escalating too. Bring back old values. A x

cheshire wife said...

I hope that you will be feeling better soon.

I don't know where they find the time to have these affairs and flings. Husband takes up all of my time. But for those with the time, everything today, is too easy.

lakeviewer said...

Maggie, I'm glad you feel a tad better. As far as infidelity, I agree with Jinksy on this one. It was always a problem, only kept secret. Today, women have a bigger voice than they had in the past and will not put up with certain things. Will marriage change? Yes. Will contracts change? Yes. Will people change? Not really.

Our next set of marriage contracts will include clauses about not how the property will be divided, but how infidelity will be handled.

Uniting till death is a very long time. Perhaps, we should renew vows every few years with updated contractual language. It will curb some extra curricular activities for a while.

Eddie Bluelights said...

I did a nice long comment which disappeared into hyperspace.
Think you are right Maggie and I am looking forward to seeing you and Harry tomorrow ~ Eddie

Marguerite said...

Lovely post! So glad that you're picking up, Maggie! Try adding carrot juice and avocado or cucumber to your diet. These foods nourish the immune system. Hugs and prayers, Marguerite

Bernie said...

Hi Maggie, so glad to hear you are feeling a bit better, but am sorry to hear Harry has such a cold, you really don't need to catch any infections right now....what a sweetie he is Maggie.

Now that is some kind of radio show, but I too listen to background talk radio when I go to bed and some subjects are really off the wall although I think this infidelity subject is something that does go on unfortunately. I think if I were in a relationship and my husband/fiancee were unfaithful I would have to leave as the trust would be broken. Some women think they can change their man.....they don't change. So sad you take care of yourself and keep us posted as to how you are doing sweetie....:-) Hugs

Hilary said...

It's not new for sure but it sure is a lot easier to find out these days.. email.. cell phone texts.. etc. Focus on healing and I hope you feel much better soon.

Anonymous said...

So glad to hear you're feeling better. Unfortunately, men being unfaithful is all too common...

Ayak said...

Glad you are feeling a little more cheerful Maggie.

Infidelity has always been around of course. I truly believe in making a marriage work, although having two previous husbands who both cheated, makes me realise that I'm very lucky third time around to have a husband who doesn't...and that we both feel that to do so would be unforgivable.

Suburbia said...

Good to catch up with you Maggie, sorry that Harry is poorly, I hope you will both be ok.

I think it is perfectly right to be leaning on other people when you are ill, I bet you have 'been there' for lots of others when they were down, that's what friends are for.

Not sure about infidelity, it is as old as time its self is it not?


Suldog said...

I'm wondering if it's better for you to worry about the philanderers if it keeps your mind off other things, or vice-versa :-)

Iota said...

I'm not surprised you are having a tough time, but glad you have people around you who can help.

I've been enjoying making Furry Fred turn his head around to look at my mouse clicks!

The Green Stone Woman said...

Hi Maggie, dear. Well, you know how my marriage ended and I wasn't supposed to have found out about that relationship either. It was only my instincts that told me something was going on. Don't give them a second chance, is what I say. They will do it again. Get out with your head held high. You will be the winner in the end one way or the other.

Be good, take good care of yourself!


Nessa said...

You shouldn't listen to stuff like that. It's not really helpful, just depressing.

One Single Impression - Insomnia

She Writes said...

I think you are right. Many people are unfaithful :(!

I hope you get better soon!

Debbie(single;complicated) said...

Wow! I could have been one of those callers!! Its hard not to believe that no one is faithful....BUT I look at couples I know that have made it work; my parents being one. That gives me hope!!
Hope you continue to get better....

Life with Kaishon said...

I am always so surprised when some people that I work with talk about cheating. I just never imagined that it was something people would want to do. Or definitely not something they would talk about and be proud of.

Gary works 7 days a week and I don't think he would have time for an affair : ) Thank goodness that is one thing I don't have to worry about.