To Kaiko

When I think back to that first time that Sam introduced you, things seemed really good.

I was happy for him to marry a girl from Japan...... after all, he had been living there for ten years, so it seemed a very natural thing for him to do. I was very open to your culture. I liked you from the start and looked forward to your visits.

So what has gone wrong? Is there no hope for our relationship now?

This separation is not what I wanted and not what I'd hoped for.

We shared the same house for nearly a year and there were obviously difficulties. Two women living in close proximity, sharing the same kitchen and the same bathroom.

Both of us at the opposite ends of the age range, from different cultures and both used to doing things a different way.

The differences in our temperaments were vast. By English standards I am rather reserved but by Japanese standards I must have come across as a demonstrative person who could change from cool to hot..... with a whole range of temperatures between. But I never bore a grudge.

You hid your feelings from me and your lovely dark eyes were like pools of unfathomable water and I could never understand what you were really thinking or feeling.

But I was there for you.

There is one thing that I want to thank you for, or rather two things......those beautiful granddaughters who have given me immense pleasure. From the moment I set eyes on Amber and Millie, I fell in love with them and I will be grateful to you for the rest of my life.

They are like two little rose buds who could so easily be crushed before they have a chance to open into flower. I do so want to see them flower and mature.

Kaiko......... Its the blog name that I chose for you because I liked it. The name means Forgiveness.

Can you forgive me for upsetting you? Maybe you will in time, but it may not be in my lifetime.

Life Feels Like A Storm.

I feel all my creativity has gone! I am feeling incredibly sad, although I know it will pass.

The sadness, almost despair is because my family have moved out in anger. 

I will not go into details and I am not blaming anybody, but after nearly eleven months of living in our house, it became obvious that Kaiko and I, both of us incredibly stubborn, have become constantly edgy with each other and disagreed over certain issues that couldn't be resolved.

It was not supposed to finish like this. Everyone knew they would be going eventually and this was only ever meant to be a temporary solution.

Sam owns a property in an other part of the city. He needed to sell it in order to buy a property locally so that Amber could continue attending the school where she has been really settled and popular. Millie the youngest was about to start nursery near by in Sept and her name had been on the list for a good while. But this house is not selling so they are now living in it. However Sam intends to bring the children by car every morning on his way to work, so that I could take Amber to school and Granddad could pick her up while I am at work. 

Millie is to go to a child minder on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays but on the other two days, Granddad & I will look after her between us.

I wish Kaiko and I could understand each other but I don't think she will ever want to be close to me neither has she ever been.  I like to talk things over but the Japanese do not disclose their feelings. It is impossible to know what is going on in her dark, fathomless eyes. I have tried and failed!

I don't know how practical it will be to keep Amber and Millie at the school near here and feel I we will lose touch with our little granddaughters if they start new schools.

I expect most people will think that it was an impossible situation anyway. In laws living together and some said it would only last a month! Well at least we proved them wrong about that. At least they are in the same city and not the other side of the globe.

However, I am upset at the suddenness of it all. No time to adjust.

On a practical level, I know the time will come when something happens to my computer or router that I cannot deal with. If I go away for any length of time, don't think I have abandoned you. I have not the same technical support at hand, that's all!

Sorry to go on about all this. I expect time will heal. In the mean time, please be patient with me.

Chucking it down

Unfortunately, I was confined to bed last Friday with a really bad stomach bug. The rain was chucking it down all day and slashing into the windows. (It wasn't even Friday the 13th, but felt like it.)

Sod's law would have it that it was the day that Harry had booked up to see "Mama Mia", a musical that everyone was raving about & I was really looking forward to seeing it as we don't often go out these days.

I realized there was no way that I'd make it & there was nothing left to do but to try and give my ticket to someone else.

Kaiko, our Japanese daughter in law, jumped at the opportunity, so I just resigned myself to listening to the radio, in bed, while they went.

Now, I am an avid people watcher & also love to listen into other people's conversations in the bus. I often say to Harry,"Shush a minute," when he starts to go on about the weather or some other trifling thing, in a big loud voice because he is rather deaf. I am listening in to two old ladies  one of whom is slagging off a horrible daughter in law & explaining in detail the terrible things she has done. There's me trying to get to the most exciting bits  & Harry keeps going on, "Why what's the matter?" He seems to take no notice of my facial expressions at all!

Anyway, I was lying in bed, chucking up in a bucket (sorry if anyone reading this has a delicate constitution) and I suddenly was amused by the thought that there were possibly other people watchers out there.

What would other people think about the strange looking pair in the coach or at the theatre? 

Kaiko is a slim, pretty and young person & Harry is, well...... older & white haired & rather rough looking. Would they think he had chosen someone to order from the Internet? Would they think that Kaiko was so desperate that she had  to choose an old man? Was she sacrificing herself so that she could come to England? For obvious reasons, she could not be his daughter!

Oh well, get back to my bucket, but at least I have the idea for another blog!