Saturday, 21 June 2008

Life Feels Like A Storm.

I feel all my creativity has gone! I am feeling incredibly sad, although I know it will pass.
The sadness, almost despair is because my family have moved out in anger. 
I will not go into details and I am not blaming anybody, but after nearly eleven months of living in our house, it became obvious that Kaiko and I, both of us incredibly stubborn, have become constantly edgy with each other and disagreed over certain issues that couldn't be resolved.

It was not supposed to finish like this. Everyone knew they would be going eventually and this was only ever meant to be a temporary solution.
Sam owns a property in an other part of the city. He needed to sell it in order to buy a property locally so that Amber could continue attending the school where she has been really settled and popular. Millie the youngest was about to start nursery near by in Sept and her name had been on the list for a good while. But this house is not selling so they are now living in it. However Sam intends to bring the children by car every morning on his way to work, so that I could take Amber to school and Granddad could pick her up while I am at work. 
Millie is to go to a child minder on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays but on the other two days, Granddad & I will look after her between us.

I wish Kaiko and I could understand each other but I don't think she will ever want to be close to me neither has she ever been.  I like to talk things over but the Japanese do not disclose their feelings. It is impossible to know what is going on in her dark, fathomless eyes. I have tried and failed!
I don't know how practical it will be to keep Amber and Millie at the school near here and feel I we will lose touch with our little granddaughters if they start new schools.

I expect most people will think that it was an impossible situation anyway. In laws living together and some said it would only last a month! Well at least we proved them wrong about that. At least they are in the same city and not the other side of the globe.

However, I am upset at the suddenness of it all. No time to adjust.
On a practical level, I know the time will come when something happens to my computer or router that I cannot deal with. If I go away for any length of time, don't think I have abandoned you. I have not the same technical support at hand, that's all!

Sorry to go on about all this. I expect time will heal. In the mean time, please be patient with me.


the mother of this lot said...

Oh Maggie, you sound so sad. Maybe once they settle in the new house things will be better between you again. I hope so. I don't like it when you're upset!

girl with the mask said...

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie... deary me. Your creativity will come back. Your son will be close by. Your grandchildren will be close by. As for your daughter-in-law... I am just so sorry to hear that.

I do hope things look up for soon. You have the whole of cyberspace rooting for you!

Lots of love x

softinthehead said...

That is tough that it ended on a sour note. But now that you all have your own space hopefully you will be able to get along a little better. :)

elizabethm said...

So sorry to hear this maggie. It is almost impossible I think for people to share space (and your space, not somewhere neutral) across the generations, never mind the culture gap. I think you have done marvellously to make it work for so long.
I think you need to tell her that you are sorry it didn't work out but that you are happy your son is married to her and that she is the mother of your grandchildren.
All will be well. x.

San said...

Maggie May, I'm so sorry. My own mother had something similar happen. My nephew and his wife and their children stayed with her for a few months while they were building a house. My mom was doing them a big favor. It was pretty inconvenient to her. Then one day my nephew's wife got mad at her for some little thing that no one would have thought would bother her at all. They suddenly moved out, and of course Mother was hurt. I believe it wasn't anything Mother did but just the stress of so many living under one roof, but it was very sad.

I feel for you, but I'm sure that things will work out.

Babaloo said...

Maggie May, sorry to hear it ended like this. I don't think it's possible for in laws to share a house together. At least it's very hard. Because you all need your own space, that's so important. And even little misunderstandings can lead to arguments and harsh words. Having your own space is so much better. And I'm sure you'll still be able to see lots of your grandchildren. Don't worry too much about things, they'll turn out right in the end! :)

Anonymous said...

once they get their space back and sorted I am sure all will be fine.Understanding another culture is hard.Sometimes we dont realise how big a gap there is.
Yo have been agood mum and mother inlaw maggie.
Please dont be sad if you feel that bad- go see them
Pride is such a blooming pest sometimes

Suburbia said...

11 months is a long time, you have done so well to manage for that long, well done.
Sorry you're sad.
The house selling situation isn't going to change soon so I guess thsy are better to live in it than leave it empty.
Your grandchildren have been so lucky to have you on hand and the bond you have forged will last for a long time, especially as you will still be close by.
Fingers crossed Maggie that it will all come right in the end
Suburbia x

kylie said...

dear maggie,
you have done well to share for so long. i'm not sure about the japanese but if they're anything like the chinese.....well, it's a very different way of approaching life.
i hope you soon feel better and the wounds heal is such a powerful thing and i hope it does it's work for you

Rose said...

Not sure I should comment here, since I've only just met you. But I do think it's very hard for two families to live together for very long. I understand your sadness; I certainly would feel the same in this situation. Hope that relationships can be mended, and most importantly, that you still can spend time with your grandchildren.

Jules said...

Oh my dear. I am so very sorry for you. I can tell that you tried your best...... for 11 months. That's a long time and you were wonderful to try to help n this way. But I suppose some things are not meant to be.
Perhaps there is truth to the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and maybe this was for the best?

Big cyber hugs coming your way.



Maggie May said...

Jackie........thanks.... I am really fine now. Sam came round to check my computer yesterday & he's coming again today with one of the girls. Kaiko is happy in her new home! Harry & I are peaceful and tidying up! It was for the best!

Girl with a mask....... yes it is Ok now! Will give DIL space! We just can't live together, that's all!

softinthehead .... yeah! You are right, already every one is feeling better!

Elizabeth M ..... You are so right. She gave me lovely granddaughters!

San ..... yes..... It is because of the living on top of each other and even though this is a fairly large house, bathroom & kitchen was a nightmare, which was part of our problem. Sorry that your Mum got hurt too. Hope that she still is on friendly terms with nephew.

Babaloo..... thanks for dropping by & the kind comments! I'm sure you are right!

valleysmam .... You are right. it is a culture thing. Things that we think are OK can cause offense to another culture & visa versa.

Suburbia ..... My rant is over. That is how I am! Hot & cold! I don't bear malice! It will be OK. I couldn't have lived with my in laws & would have probably topped myself if forced to do it!

Kylie ..... thanks so much...... yes, love overcomes in the end!

Rose .... I am very pleased for you to comment & what you have to say is valued! It is not as bleak today!

Jules..... yes, you are right. People take things for granted . Familiarity breeds contempt & that is so true!

Lehners in France said...

Maggie I think you did well to last eleven months, I only lasted four and that was with my own brother. You had a cultural difference too. It is very hard when you have two stubborn Alpha females under one roof. Let's hope for you and the sake of the children time heals. Love Debs x

CrazyCath said...

Oh Maggie I so feel for you. I bet Sam and Kaiko are hurting too. I have read these backwards so I know you have seen Sam since and things do not seem as bad.

I hope it settles down. I think you have ALL done incredibly well to last almost a year under the same roof. At the best of times, two women sharing a kitchen etc. is difficult. Throw into the that the mix of different cultures and then the "in law" status, and I honestly think it was NOT a disaster waiting to happen, but that you all deserve a big big hug for trying so hard and SUCCEEDING for 11 months.

See the positive in what you have achieved - not what you might lose.
The creativity will come back. Give it time.


A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Poor Maggie, that's so hard, and you have done brilliantly to last 11 months. I'm sure it will sort itself out. Let's hope for the best. M xx

Liz said...

Oh, Maggie, I'm so sorry you're feeling such pain. I only just read this and now I've read your next post so i hope that, though the end was sudden, it won't take long to heal the rift.

It must have been really hard; i can't imagine living with my mother-in-law. Even with the best of intentions things will grate. You did well to last 11 months!

I really hope and pray that you will all soon see it as a positive move and one thaht will bring more joy and peace into your family. I'm sure you won't lose touch with your grandchildren. Sam seems like a good guy who won't let that happen. And I don't know Kaiko but I'm sure she can see the rightness in having grandparents' input into her children's lives.

Take care.

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Maggie May, I'm not familiar with the background of this story, so all I will say is, I am sure you tried your best, and some things are just not going to work out. I hope by the time you read this (I'm a bit behind on your blog, and I'm trying to catch up)...anyway, by the time you read this, I hope you are in a better place and frame of mind, and the dust has settled.

Carolyn said...

I'm so sorry I haven't been around. I missed this post, to which I can totally relate. We live in my mom's basement suite, and it's not always so easy.

I hope things work out somehow. I know you'll miss regular contact with Amber and Millie terribly. Keep us posted on how it all works out.