Tuesday, 17 November 2009

To Kaiko


When I think back to that first time that Sam introduced you, things seemed really good.
I was happy for him to marry a girl from Japan...... after all, he had been living there for ten years, so it seemed a very natural thing for him to do. I was very open to your culture. I liked you from the start and looked forward to your visits.
So what has gone wrong? Is there no hope for our relationship now?
This separation is not what I wanted and not what I'd hoped for.

We shared the same house for nearly a year and there were obviously difficulties. Two women living in close proximity, sharing the same kitchen and the same bathroom.
Both of us at the opposite ends of the age range, from different cultures and both used to doing things a different way.
The differences in our temperaments were vast. By English standards I am rather reserved but by Japanese standards I must have come across as a demonstrative person who could change from cool to hot..... with a whole range of temperatures between. But I never bore a grudge.
You hid your feelings from me and your lovely dark eyes were like pools of unfathomable water and I could never understand what you were really thinking or feeling.
But I was there for you.

There is one thing that I want to thank you for, or rather two things......those beautiful granddaughters who have given me immense pleasure. From the moment I set eyes on Amber and Millie, I fell in love with them and I will be grateful to you for the rest of my life.
They are like two little rose buds who could so easily be crushed before they have a chance to open into flower. I do so want to see them flower and mature.

Kaiko......... Its the blog name that I chose for you because I liked it. The name means Forgiveness.
Can you forgive me for upsetting you? Maybe you will in time, but it may not be in my lifetime.



25 comments:

Valleys Mam said...

Aww Maggie that feels so sad.Surely this woman understands.
Two Alpha females in one house cannot work , the dominant one will prevail and the pretender has to wait until she has her own territory to rule.It is the law of the jungle and you are the alpha female of your family.
May be she just needs to grow up some more and gain a little cultural understanding

Jeni said...

Ah, Maggie. I hope you can get those fences mended. Does she know about/read your blog? If not, maybe you could print this out and send it to her. An extension of a white flag or the peace dove or something like that ya know.
For your sake as well as for hers and the girls -everyone concerned -I'll be pulling for a good resolve here.

Bernie said...

Maggie, what an honest and heartbreaking post....may Kaiko hear what's in your heart when she reads this and I cannot think of anyone not forgiving you when you have made such an honest effort to make peace.....your granddaughters sound beautiful.....always in my heart and prayers.....:-) Hugs

Frau said...

I hope things work out especially for the sake of those two girls! Best wishes coming your way.

Indrani said...

Touching!
I am sure she will understand.

Suburbia said...

Brave of you to write this, I hope it has helped. It sounds a very difficult situation for you and Sam too. I hope you can sort it out somehow. Some women find it hard to come to terms with their mother in law, I hope Kaiko endeavours to be more grown up about it in the future, for all your sakes.

Thumbelina said...

Heart felt.
If this woman is human, she has to respond. But to respond she has to read it.

Maybe Sam can print it off (minus comments) and leave it lying around? Or just straight hand it to her. What is there to lose?

If the balance is so delicate, there is something to lose - I can understand why you wouldn't do that. I wouldn't. But if it has already toppled down, I ask again, what is there to lose? And everything to gain...

Or maybe it just gets left here for the future. But whatever way, I feel your pain and I pray she will find forgiveness in her heart for whatever she perceives you have done.

(((Hugs))) and blessings dear friend.

Thumbelina said...

Not that there is anything wrong with your comments btw (all of Maggie's commenters) - when I said print it off minus comments I was thinking more of MY comment and hadn't read the others. There's nothing wrong with your comments! But if Kaiko reads them in a delicate situation it might add fuel to fire... that's all I was thinking and it is Maggie's sentiments I think she should see.
Just mho anyway and nothing wrong with the comments themselves!

Oh Lord ... somebody pass me a shovel...

RNSANE said...

Maggie, I do so hope that Kaiko can, somehow, resolve her issues with your son and you and remain a part of your family. I know you adore your granddaughters and you are reaching out so in this blog. I will pray that there will be some Divine intervention as well.

Sarah Lulu said...

You will need to help her find a way to save face perhaps.

Act as if all fences are already mended.

Teacher's Pet said...

God Bless your family...Sam, "Kaiko"...and those two precious grandchildren.
I pray for healing....all around.

aims said...

Beautifully written Maggie. Some day perhaps.

Reasons said...

Such a poignent post. It's the one roof that causes the problems. But I also agree with Valley's Mam - it's probably a little maturity that's needed. I hope it all works out. xx

Rose said...

Dear Maggie, I do hope Kaiko comes to an understanding and reconciles with you. It's not easy for two women to live in the same house, but especially in a family situation like this. I hope with time she'll realize that you do care for her. In the meantime, you have to forgive yourself--you have done everything you can to make peace, and now it's up to her.

Nessa said...

I am so sad.

Tuesday's Tales in Two Hundred - Going In Circles

Eddie said...

I have known Kaiko a long time and it was all really wonderful in happier times. NOTHING would give me more pleasure than to witness a complete reconciliation - nothing is impossible and I do hope that this occurs for the sake of the entire family happiness, including, most importantly, the children.
This would be just what you need now you have had that awful health issues. Eddie

cheshire wife said...

Sorry to hear that you have yet more problems. I hope, that for your sake and that of your grand daughters that, your relationship with Kaiko will improve.

Akelamalu said...

Oh how sad! I have to 'bite my tongue' with a DIL so I know how difficult it can be. I hope the fences can be mended for the sake of your grandchildren. x

Mimi said...

Dear Maggie,this is so sad, for all concerned.
I see lots of possibilities in the comments (clever bloggers), from printing out, to pretending that fences are already mended.
An alternative I recently came across is to act as though it's the first time you've met, don't know if that'd help?

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Does she have access to read this? I hope so and time and patience can mend fences. I hope she comes round soon enough. X

Marguerite said...

With God, all things ARE possible. "Forgive and forget" is what my mother always used to say". You've taken the first step Maggie and hopefully your DIL will too. Blessings and prayers,
Marguerite

Hilary said...

This feels like I'm stepping in on a private moment, so I'll just leave you a big hug while I'm here and step out again, and hope that everything works out for everyone.

Maggie May said...

I wrote this post entirely as therapy and also for all the family to see it in the future if they wanted to and to understand that I did try.
The girls might wonder later on......
I did send a similar letter to Kaiko months ago.I have heard nothing.
K knows my blog name if she wanted to see it.
Maybe one day......
I felt heaps better for writing it.

Nuts in May

Sandi McBride said...

Oh Maggie, this brought tears to my eyes. I too have had a similar situation with a beloved DIL...but we worked things out. I hope and pray that you and your darling DIL will be able to do the same. Fervently hoping and praying!!!
hugs
Sandi

The Green Stone Woman said...

I hope this all gets worked out in your lifetime, Maggie. If just for the sake of Sam and those two lovely granddaughters. But for your sake too. It must not be easy to live with the knowledge that here is someone who misunderstands you so much. I hope she gets to read this post. Maybe she would see you more clearly then.