Sunday, 6 April 2008

Standing Up For Myself!

This post will be short today, as I have nine people in my house, four of them are my grand children! So although we are having fun, it is not an ideal blogging situation.

When I was a child I wouldn't say boo to a goose. I was the scapegoat for everything that went wrong in our family, taking the blame and thinking I deserved it.
At school I was taunted when I moved from the north of England, because of my strong accent. I don't think that the city, where we moved to and where we now live, was used to "foreigners" at that time, though it is full of them, now! Because of the taunts, I lost my accent very quickly and even now I speak in a very neutral way, which is a great pity. If I tried to speak with a northern accent now, it wouldn't be real ...... I couldn't do it!

Over the years I tended to be passive and would do what others wanted me to do and it has taken me years to get to the stage where I am now.

I will not be pushed around and I don't suffer fools gladly, either. I go into shops and complain if something is not right and firmly ask for a refund or a replacement and stand my ground.
These days my family send me to sort things out as they know I will not be fobbed off.

So I think that in answer to David's question in his Weekend Wanderings asking "What Is The Most Crucial Thing I've Ever Learnt," has to be, that I have learnt not to be a victim any more.


Sweet Irene said...

oh boy, that is a very good question! I think maybe I am learning a very crucial thing in my life right now at this moment, but it is a thing I would rather not have learned.

Another crucial thing I learned is to look people straight in the eyes when I talk to them and to speak in a clear cheerful voice. That gets their attention!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Me too, Maggie, I've learned not to fear what other people think and say. But it did take years! It is very liberating though, because I now don't take any shit from anyone! M xx

Jules said...

Wow! There seem to be a lot of us around - "sweet and quite when young but standing up for the right thing now". Sometimes I wish that I could take who I am now and transfer it back to who I was then.

Jules said...

Back again...
Any thoughts of taking that ^&*^ word verification thingy off?

Maggie May said...

Sweet Irene ........ Yes, you could still contribute to this subject as you have some testing things in your recent learning curve, but perhaps you don't want them aired!
Yes, always look people in the eye, even if you can't always speak in a cheerful voice. Sometimes that's not possible!

Mother's Place........ It IS very liberating not to fear what others think! Glad you are the same!

Jules .....Maybe that happens with old age! Not that YOU are old, of course. You are learning younger that's all!

As regards the word verification ...... Sam says it must stay on as it is to stop spammers trying to get onto my Blog. Thinks it would be easy if I took it off, so its here to stay, it seems!

aims said...

Yes - too bad you lost the accent. I don't know why people do that - I think accents are precious!

But - there is an age that we seem to come into ourselves isn't there? I know I have done that now and am very happy with who I am - finally.

Ashley Ladd said...

I spent too much of my life being scared of hurting other people's feelings so much that I'd hurt myself. I'm glad you're overcoming that. I'm still working at it.

CrazyCath said...

What an excellent post! Well done you Maggie!

Victim is such an emotive word isn't it? I'm really glad for you that you dropped it. You are YOU. Not a victim.

Thanks for sharing this. It is quite a powerful message.

Robin said...

I also learned to not worry what people think. However I think the best lesson was to Have Fun! I spend much of my life in middle and high school so very dog gone SERIOUS. YUCK!

Anonymous said...

This is an excellent post! I have learned to stop being a people pleaser and stop compromising myself. Being my true self, not being afraid to speak up and say how I really feel, and worry if the other person will like me or not. I like myself so much better this way.

Mean Mom said...

I'm getting better at standing up for myself as I get older. I am more bolshie than I used to be, which surprises some people who have known me a while.

Please come to a tea party at my place to pick up an award.

Mignon said...

Maggie, Bravo! I love it! And Sweet Irene I agree with looking people in the eye when you speak. I especially look people in the eye when I'm standing up for myself.

Jenera said...

Good for you! This is very similar to my answer. It's important that we all know we can stand up for ourselves and not be in the wrong!

Carolyn said...

Good for you! I consider myself a pretty outspoken person, but I get extremely nervous when it comes to confrontation of any sort. I can cry at the drop of a hat if I'm scared to do something. Pathetic.

There's an award over at my place for you...

ps - My word verification is "ppperv". A pervert with a speech impediment? Mwaaahahaha.

Maggie May said...

Aims ...... Yes I think it is good to have an accent now. People's attitude has changed!
Yes, some how there is a certain age, when we come to peace with ourselves .........

Ashley Ladd ... Yes.... I am still going to be working on it!

crazy Cath ....... Yes, can't be a victim any more!

Robin ........ Yes, we have to have some fun! Can't be serious all the time.

Eileen ........ Glad you called over for a chat! You also have the same out look! Good for you!

Mean mom ... Gee thanks for the award! Glad you are like minded with the not caring what people think!

Mignon ....... Glad you agree that looking people in the eye is a good way of not being intimidated!

Jenera ....... Yes, we did write similar posts! Glad we are in agreement!

Carolyn .....Gee, another award. Thanks! Another lady not to be messed about with!

imac said...

I love this post, its fantastic, reminds me of me a little, go foe it I say.

Many thanks for visiting my blog and the kind comments.

girl with the mask said...

That's fantastic! Good for you. And I think that it just goes to show that no matter how old you become you never stop learning things. I hate when people think that by the time you are 25 you've got to have everything figured out!

I hope I continue to learn forever, otherwise what is the point?

G.I.M x

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Hi MMay thought I'd pop along from Stinking Billy's blog as I have seen you posting there.

One of the most crucial things I have learnt is that you must tell the people you love that you love them regularly. I've also discovered that people who exude confidence are just like the rest of us - they fake it! And finally being menopausal I have reached a stage in my life where I care not a jot what other people think of me and when they disapprove of me in any way then I leave them with no misunderstanding exactly what their opinion means to be - it's on a par with stepping in dog pooh!

kimmy said...

Great post Maggie! I agree with you completely.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such a nice comment for my brother. He will be fine, it will just take some time.

Have a great day!


Maggie May said...

Imac ........... many thanks for your kind words & encouragement.

Girl in the mask .......... at 25 life has hardly begun! Yes, I agree learning goes on forever!

Mob ........ Glad you dropped by. I have seen you all over the place! Its lovely that we lose our hang ups as we get older. You can say "Oh its all because of the menopause!" I can say "Oh its down to old age!

Kimmy ......... Glad your brother will be OK. Good of you to call over!

david mcmahon said...

Bless you for the courage to stand up for yourself.

When I speak in schools, I always encourage young people to understand and recognise the courage of their own convictions.

It's called self-belief - and you've said it all.

Cee said...

Thanks for visiting me Maggie! Another lesson, or maybe it is the same one, is learning to say "NO" when necessary. I still struggle with that one.

And of course, learning to complain in a foreign language takes a whole other dose of courage!

Maggie May said...

Thanks David, for that encouragement.

Cee .... Learning to say "No"" is also something I've learnt to do & is very important!
A nightmare in a second language!

Mima said...

Good on you, standing up for yourself is very important otherwise people just walk all over you.