Monday, 9 June 2008

Life Ain't A Bed Of Roses!

These roses are not mine. They are hanging over a neighbour's wall that I pass most days. I remembered to take my camera today and snapped them. As I walked by, wafts of lovely perfume enveloped me.

However, I am feeling like a rant! 
Life Ain't Like a Bowl of Cherries.........  and it Ain't a Bed of Roses either!

I read other people's blogs and I know that some of you are having a really tough time. However, we are OVERWHELMED! Overwhelmed by bloody cancer mostly! Most of you know that Harry is battling with prostate cancer and Rupe, my son in law has had brain surgery to remove a secondary cancer that stemmed from malignant melanoma from a tiny mole on his shin twelve years previously. Neither of those two can be cured and are being treated with drugs in Harry's case and radiotherapy in Rupe's case. Well that is only two people isn't it? No it is blimmen not! My sister in law, Gloria, had breast cancer twelve years ago and suddenly her arm is three times the size it should be and her shoulder hurts like mad and now it seems that the Big C has caught up with her again. What is going on? She is younger than me and her children are younger as my brother married later in life. She really doesn't deserve this. None of them do!
Strange how in both cases the cancer returned after twelve years.

Rupe & Debs (my daughter) were going through hell before the cancer struck and it looked as though their marriage was well and truly over. She was biding her time, waiting for the children to get older. Now she would be "The Big Bad Wolf" if she left him. However, he continues to treat her in a controlling way, wanting her to give up her job and monitor everything she does and he criticizes her continually so that her personality is in shreds. Well I am really upset about it. No one wants to see their daughter like that.
Oldest grandson is finding things difficult, and school wants to have tests done to see if he is autistic. I have wondered from time to time myself if he had autistic tendencies, though if he has, then it is not a severe case. Now he has broken his elbow, when he fell off his bike! Well that can be mended at least!

We had a good holiday, you may well think. Yes we did until Wednesday, which was half way through it and we decided to go to the theatre.  I was really enjoying a little family of entertainers involving children. I glanced at Harry and he looked really ill and I managed to get him into the foyer where he collapsed on me and became unconscious. He came round and was violently sick, everywhere! An ambulance was called and off we both went to Scarborough Hospital which is half way to Whitby and further than I could imagine. After waiting there for several hours in A & E, in very smelly clothes, it was announced that he had food poisoning, which I couldn't understand as no one else had it. We were discharged in the middle of the night, clothes stinking to high Heaven & I managed to persuade a taxi driver to take us back to the hotel and explained husband had not been drinking but had been ill. The hotel promised to get  the clothes laundered as Harry only had the one jacket & it was a good pair of trousers, too.

The day of departure the clothes were returned to me in sacks in the same condition as they were when I handed them in! That was a wonderful job waiting for me when I got home!
I wouldn't be surprised if you had all gone away by this stage! It would be understandable if you had. No one likes a Moaning Minnie! Well, that's how it goes sometimes!

I am going to call this place MOODY MANSION because there are so many moody people here at the moment. Well OK so Sam's house is not selling and he & Kaiko are still here and not living in the lovely little place of their own. But it is not my fault and there seems to be little sense in making ME the scapegoat!
I also would like to get a shower when I want and not have water flooding everywhere in kitchen and bathroom and to be able to give the washing machine a rest before it is flogged to death. Fortunately Amber and Millie don't mind being here and snuggle up to Granddad and me and show great affection.
I am thinking of having a plaque printed. It will be put on the porch door and will read:-

Welcome to Moody Mansion!
You don't have to be moody to visit here, 
But a sense of humour would sure help!

Quite honestly, if I didn't laugh I would cry at the situations I am finding myself in.


Anonymous said...

My word! What a situation to be in! I can only sympathise with you in the deepest, humblest fashion possible. No-one deserves to go through this. I hope that the situation gets easier to deal with, even if the problems don't go away.

My thoughts are with you.


Momma said...

Oh my goodness, Maggie! I wish I could give you a hug right now, because I think it would be a good start.

First off, your daughter would not be a bad person for leaving her husband. I saw my mother go through this. As my dad's cancer (and painkiller addiction) advanced, he became more abusive toward her. Finally, everything reached a head and we left one night. He did try to make it out to be a case of a horrible wife leaving her poor sick husband, but we all knew differently. Eventually the rest of our small town realized it, too.

I'm sorry about the cancer recurrences. It doesn't make sense, does it, when the ones we love are stricken with the big C? All you can do is pray, my friend.

I can't imagine how you're dealing with the crush of people that are in on you. If you're like me, you like your alone time and the peace and quiet that comes with an empty nest. I hope the situations begin to resolve soon.

Try to do something nice for yourself each day. Take a walk and get out of there. You know what "they" say - if you don't nurture yourself, you can't nurture your family. Of course at this point you may prefer throttling them to nurturing them :-)

Take care, Maggie. I pray things will get better soon.

Maggie May said...

Thanks Pete...... I don't often rant!

Momma ........... you are really kind. I am taking on board all you are saying. Thanks for your concern & of course, prayers.

Expatmum said...

Aw Maggie. What a time you are having. Not much I can do from over here but am thinking of you. Perhaps you hit the nail on the hed at the end when you mentioned the grandchildren. They are probably as stressed out as you and need their grandparents to keep things on an even keel.

Flowerpot said...

Sounds like you are having a hellish time Maggie - take care.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oh Maggie May what a mess. No wonder you are having a rant - you deserve it and something has to give so why not have a rant in your blog. We all need a safety valve and this is clearly yours. I didn't want to bale out of your blog at all as I was fascinated at the whole shebang. It's called the catastrophic effect - life just keeps chucking one shitty thing after another at you and just when you think its done, along comes more - been through it myself. What can anyone say except to listen and be as supportive as possible. Here's a cyber hug for all it's worth. x

Working mum said...

Blog it off your chest Maggie! You can't bottle all that up, it will just make you ill. Life does this to us from time to time (I had a year with allsorts of stuff including three family members with cancer) and there is no rhyme or reason to it. All we can do is get through it and appreciate the good times that follow - and they will.

SMS said...

MM, so sorry to hear the threads of your life-tapestry are in such a tangle right now.
I've recently found a wonderful quote from Mother Teresa, 'I know God will not give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much'.
Who knows how it will seem a few weeks/months from now?
God bless

Suburbia said...

Maggie, so sorry to hear how awful things are for you right now. Sometimes life is just not fair and everything comes at once.
Rant away, it's good for you!

Encourage your daughter to leave.The children pick up on unhappiness. My mum encouraged me and it was hard but worth it.

Suburbia said...

Maggie, I left a comment here and when I got back you had commented at mine! Great minds???!

GoneBackSouth said...

Oh Maggie, it really is all piling up eh? So sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Any one of those things would be hard to deal with. Wish you all strength, patience, and some overdue good luck - GBS x

tea and cake said...

I'm not sure god has anything to do with anything. And, I'm not sure if I've de-lurked here before, either! Howdo, anyway.
We've just been piling on the shite of life lately, too, so my big sympathies with you. I just feel sad and fed-up .... so, I'm going off myself for a few days, with nanny's best girl (grandad can't come too because of work.)
Please urge your daughter to make the move - as we've all realised by now, this isn't a rehearsal. There's not enough time for us to waste it, especially living with a ba*tard - I saw my mum go through it, which means us kids did too.
Love and Big Hugs to you, Maggie May. K xx

Robin said...

I don't have any thing to say about the cancer, except that everything about it sucks. But autism, I know. If you have any questions, let me know. Sending prayers for your household.

Mignon said...

Maggie May,
Cancer is a scary mess. Hate to say it but I have seen what it can do, I myself have seen family and friends with it. At this time I am involved with" Relay For Life" a cure for cancer relay. I'm not sure it's the best thing for me to do emotionally but then again how can I not participate. It has scarred friends and family. I am sending prayers and hugs your way friend. Peace....

Mignon said...

Oh I forgot to tell you. It seems our lives seem to mirror eachother. I just took a food service class. (For a health card to prepare and cook food to serve the public) well in the class they said food poisening takes 1 to 3 days to make you sick. So if you were to get sick today it was something you ate 1 to 3 days ago. Not within the 24hour period. I was shocked at that.

Anonymous said...

Dearest Maggie,

I am so glad you used this spot to vent. You always are so supportive of our streses. I am so very sorry to hear about what is happening in your family. Cancer it so scary and to be hit like that! I do hope your family members are not in pain and getting good care.

I hope the other situations get better. It is easy to say hang in there, but I know it is hard to do. Just take care of yourself and I think good therapy is hugging those beautiful grandchildren tight. Sometimes that can make things right in the world.

Take care and sending love and prayers.

indicaspecies said...

A beautiful picture of roses. And I smiled reading about Amber and Millie.

A bend in the road is not the end of the road - unless you fail to make the turn. I hope you acquire the strength to overcome all your problems.

Another cyber hug.:)

Indrani said...

Reading this brought a lump in my throat. Difficult times... have faith in God, I am sure you will sail through it smoothly.

Thanks for dropping by my blog.

Bina said...

I am so sorry you all are having to deal with this!

And as for your daughter, I wouldn't blame her a bit for leaving him! If nothing else, maybe it will make him realize what he has, and what he will be missing if he doesn't change his ways, and he may just use his illness to MAKE her stay, and that would be even worse!

Everyone deserves a chance to rant and moan. Even you! That's why we are all here. To take joy in our fav bloggers, and to feel for them whether good or bad. Don't ever feel like you can't moan and bitch, especially when you have every right!

And wow. He had some bad poisoning! Poor guy. You know you can get the puke smell out of clothes by adding a cup (or two) of vinegar to the wash, right?

Anonymous said...

Awwwwwww Maggie you need a big cwtch and some tlc youself, life does seem hard but then steel is formed through going through fire, well thats what my old mam used to say. Me I would rather be less temered and free of some fire

Maggie May said...

Working Mum
Thanks for your support. It helps tremendously.

SMS..... thanks for dropping over. Sorry it had to be to a rant!

Suburbia ...... That was strange that I was visiting you & you were visiting me at the same time. Thanks for your support.

Gonebacksouth ........ thanks for your support. I think it is the fact that there are so many things to deal with that makes it more difficult.

tea and cake ......... thanks for popping over & sorry about the rant. Hope you have a happy time away with your grandchild.

Maggie May said...

robin......... thanks for your support. I will get back to you about the autism if that is what it is.

mignon ........ thanks for the support and also for telling me about the 3 days later kind of food poisoning! That means it was something he ate before we left home! Scary!

eileen ...... Thanks for that. Touch wood no one is in pain except my sister in law.I will know tomorrow what can be done.

Indicaspecies ........ many thanks for pointing out about the bend in the road! I will try and remember that! Thanks for popping over.

Indrani ...... thanks for dropping by & your kind words.

Bina .... thanks for your tip on using vinegar! Will remember that. Also for your support.

Valleysmam ....... many thanks for pointing out that going through the fire helps to make strong steel! That is a thing to remember because it is true!

family affairs said...

So sorry to hear about all that - it all sounds very bad. Your poor daughter too Lx

Frances said...

How unbearable it all is. You must be so upset for your daughter. All piled on top of everything else.
Difficult to find any blessings to count just now.
Thinking of you.

bindhiya said...

Dear Maggie,
I am sorry to hear you are dealing with so much...I hope and pray for you, everything will get easier to deal with...
((hugs)) to you

Ps. thanks for your kind words at my place...

Jeni said...

You know, though we just "met" last week, I feel that I know you quite well now. Well, I sure can empathize with the cancer stuff -I'm currently 5 years into remission, knock on wood! And the autism -trust me when I tell you, you learn so much from them about how to manage a whole lot of stuff you never thought you could ever deal with! My two younger grandkids are both autistic -the girl (age 4 1/2 is high functioning;) her little brother is considered full autism and is considerably behind where his sister was at age two but he's coming along, slowly though. Every little improvement becomes such a milestone. Truly a lesson in patience and that was something much needed in me for all my life!
Sometimes, I think the best thing to do when so many things seem to be hitting us head-on and there's worry, pain, confusion and yes, even anger too, to write about it, bitch, piss, whine and moan a lot if necessary and then, do just as you did by throwing in a wee bit of humor, even really self-deprecating, at the time, at the end, just relieves so much tension, at least for the moment. Keep fighting on, forward, perseverance and humor, grouse and grumble, a little humor, back and forth added with prayers and it does help to keep one on track where you need to be. Maybe not where you WANT to be, but where you need to be. If you ever want to talk about the autism, feel free to e-mail me. I'm not an expert -far from it -but I'd be willing to share what little we've learned here from these two little angels in our care.
Peace, my friend.

Debra in France said...

Hi Maggie. You have got so much on your plate right now, I am glad that you got it off your chest on your blog. I echo everything else that has been said, I really feel for you and everything you are going through - nobody should have to deal with it all. I am sending you a big virtual hug and all my best wishes. Debra x

david mcmahon said...

Maggie, you have a legion of friends around the world - and we're all here for you.

Liz said...

You poor thing. Sometimes it seems that trouble - especially in the form of cancer - attacks in several ways simultaneously. It is a hideous disease. Is it responsible for Rupe's treatment of your daughter? If not, if he's always been like that, then she shouldn't have to put up with it. Being ill is not an excuse ofr being a rotten person.

Look after yourself. Try and find time and space. And rant away!

® ♫ The Brit ♪ ® said...

Dear Maggie,
I was so very sad reading your post...
My heart goes out to you and your family, if you need to talk any time I am here...
Keep your chin up! and I'm sending big hugs to you!

Hilary said...

Sending best thoughts your way and wishing you strength.

David sent me

Jo Beaufoix said...

So sorry you are having such an awful time. I really hope it gets better for you all soon. Sometimes life just piles on the crappy stuff doesn't it?

lime said...

gads i am so sorry to hear all about this. makes me feel bad for the bit of whining i did over at my place. praying for a return of calm and for all those parties suffering in your world.

here via david.

katherine. said...

came by way of david....

you are having a mountain of trouble....but I can tell you are a very strong woman.

hope the weblog writing alleviates some of the overwhelmingness!

merry weather said...

Hi Maggie - I'm really sorry to read of your troubles and worries. But I echo what everyone has already said so well - here is the right place to let off steam. Sharing and listening is good for all of us.

Hugs to you

Merry xx

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

I came here from David McMahon's blog. What a read. Oh my...words can't I will just offer you a ((((((hug))))))
and let you know you and your family will be in my prayers. Maybe one more thing: This too shall pass. I had a week I'd rather forget and I just keep repeating that to myself.....

CrazyCath said...

Oh Maggie I am so sorry you are having things so tough. And I feel bad that I haven't been visiting as much as I ought. :0(
What a complete nightmare you are all having and you seem to be bearing the brunt of it. You are not a moaning Minnie! (no more than me - I do FAR more moaning with much less cause!)

I agree with Momma re your daughter. I have said it before. The people that matter will know the truth and that is what matters. She cannot be a slave to something that is finished.

I do hope you get some respite soon - and get your house back!!! ;0)

Oh and well done on POTD. Definitely deserved. You don't often have a moan. Indulge yourself for once!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Dear girl, what a terrible time you have been having - and so undeserved. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to catch up with you, and I will carry on catching up, but just had to send love and thoughts. Margot xx