Tuesday, 24 June 2008

The Story of the Roly- Poly Poo!

When I was a child I lived in a tiny two bedroomed cottage on the edge of a small town in Lancashire. It had a lovely garden and I was very happy there. Because of the cramped conditions, my brother Godfrey and I had to share a bedroom.
I distinctly remember one night, lying in bed, when I was about four years old. Godfrey was already sleeping in his little bed just a few yards away. Downstairs I could hear my mother in the kitchen ironing the clothes. Every time the iron went down, the table she was using made a squeaking sound. The radio was on and she was obviously listening to a play, that she really enjoyed on the BBC Home Service. I found these sounds very comforting as I lay in bed, but that night I was restless and did not sleep. Too bad I needed to poo!
The toilet was downstairs and to get there I had to pass the kitchen. I would be disturbing my mother if I went down and it did seem a long way to go. 
There was a potty under the bed but we were only supposed to wee in it. I got out of bed and before I could help myself, I'd done a large poo in it!
"Now what shall I do?" I pondered.
Suddenly, inspired by an idea, I rolled it into a ball using a page from an old magazine.
There was a window on the landing that opened outward, overlooking the lovely back garden and directly below the window, was the sloping kitchen roof.
"If I roll it down the roof it will land in the garden and no one will know it was me," I thought.  
The plan seemed to work very well until the ball of poo got stuck on the roof only an arm's length away.
"Now that would be noticed," I thought, "Better get it back!"
It never occurred to me just how dangerous this was becoming. I now had to really stretch to get it. At last it was in my not so clean hands!
I decided to put it back in the pot and say nothing and with this resolved, I got into bed and fell asleep.
Funnily enough, nothing was ever said about the strangely shaped ball of poo with newspaper wrapped around it!


Grit said...

what a great story! i love it when the totally absurd makes pure logical sense!

Suburbia said...

Oh Maggie, how funny! Thank goodness our thought processes work a little better in adult hood!

Your drawing is superb. You kept that talent quiet.

Jeni said...

That is so funny! Something that, in my mind's eye, I can just envision a child -like my little Maya here -trying a stunt like that. (Well, maybe not Maya herself though as she finds doing poo in the potty to be very offensive ya know. Still working on that aspect of the toilet training here. It will come, just not fast enough for everyone involved though.)
Now, keep me smiling and Peace!

Jeni said...

Oh and one more thing -I have a little gift for you -waiting at my place for you to pick it up!

Lindsay said...

Good story - I did same sort of thing. Stayed with granny - under bed was potty. Peed in potty but missed - great mess on carpet. I was about 5 years old. Very worried - so thought if I stood on the stain in the carpet the warmth of my feet would dry it up! I stood for the rest of the night! Granny was furious! Also see blog archive pertaining to Little Brother - there are two of them.

Liz said...

Oh my!! What a story. You could have blamed the poo fairy!

kylie said...


Sandi McBride said...

Small children running the world...gawd what a scary thought! Came over from Jeni's to meet you...pleased, Ma'am...you made me laugh!

Dianne said...

I came over from Jeni's too

what a great story and the drawing is lovely.

who thought anyone could make a story about poo sound classy and delightful but you did!

so nice to meet you.

Rose said...

Funny story! I was afraid as the story went on that you were going to crawl out the window to retrieve it and fall out. Glad you didn't.

Milla said...

oh lawks! Hygiene freak here has to ask - PLEASE say you washed your hands??!

CrazyCath said...

Ewwww! What a tale!
Really funny though and it is strange the things we got up to as children and how we would rationalise things.

Thanks for sharing.... I think. ;0)

(And thanks for your very kind comment at mine, but I think David is safe for a while yet. *smile*)

Anonymous said...

What an amazing memory!! Lovely story and about time you confessed!!

CJ xx

Maggie May said...

Grit...... seemed to make sense at the time!

Suburbia ......... thanks for the compliment!

Jeni ...... Thanks for the award. When my technical support has time, I will get him to put it on my blog and I will choose some people.

Lindsay ...... that was funny too, your peeing over everything!

Liz ...... I don't know what I would have said if they had asked what I was playing at?

Kyle ... Thanks!

Sandi Mcbride ..... Glad I made you laugh. Lord of the Flies springs to mind with your description of children ruling the world!

Dianne ... thanks for coming to my blog & for your lovely compliments!

Rose .... Glad I didn't fall out of the window, though it might have enhanced the story a bit.

Milla .... sorry to say..... I didn't!

Crazy Cath.... Glad it sort of made you smile!

Crystal ..... I have masses of very clear memories of when I was a very young child.

GoneBackSouth said...

Shame your cunning plan back-fired. I expect your mum had a good laugh about it anyway.

david mcmahon said...


Flowerpot said...

how very tidy and organised!

imbeingheldhostage said...

thank you for my laugh of the day! I just keep picturing the person who found the poo and chose just to let it be. Great story.

Expatmum said...

Did you ever fess up to it before now? I'm sure your mother would rather you had gone downstairs to poop than making the mess you obviously did. Those sheets!!!

Mignon said...

So funny! Children's logic, is the reason we have parents. When I was in kindergarten I had to go pee really really bad. So I thought if I peed in the boys seat next to me then moved back to my seat they would think he did it. Well that plan was good in my head.

Retiredandcrazy said...

Ah! the good old days when poo was to be played with!

Bina said...

Ha Ha Ha! Holy Cow that is FUNNY! How old were you??? Nothing was ever said about it????? Maybe they were just glad you at least "wrapped" it so as to keep the smell down to a minimum!

Maggie May said...

gonebacksouth ..... I don't think it was ever mentioned.

David .... Thanks!

Flowerpot........ MMMMHHHHH!!!

Imbeingheldhostage ..... My mother obviously got rid of the offending thing! Glad I made you laugh!

Expatmum ........ Only a mess in the pot! Sheets were fine :-)

Mignon .... had to laugh at your tale too.

Retired & crazy ..... yep, those were the days!

Bina ...... I was about 4 yrs old. Seemed a natural thing to do!

aims said...

I keep thinking of you getting back into the bed with your dirty hands....ewwww!

Quite the story Maggie! Did any of your own children do that?

Dusty Spider said...

I really enjoyed your story. Really made me smile. Flick x

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Oh this is so cute!