Friday 24 July 2015

The Yoyo-ing Effect

I feel quite ashamed that I haven't managed to write a new post telling you the latest news. The comments in the last post were so kind and I realise that everyone must be wondering what has happened and how we're getting on because over my years of blogging, I've made some good friends who care about us both and I also feel this connection with you all.

The truth is that we're in a very similar position to the last time I wrote. Harry must have been a very strong person because his body has been trying to move on to better things for well over a year now but something manages to pull him back just as we are all despairing and resigning ourselves to the inevitable.

So the only way I can describe my life really is that I'm yoyo-ing backwards and forwards from one extreme to the other and trying to live in the present and just get on with things.
As Harry's life becomes narrower and narrower, I wonder what pleasures he has left as he's totally bed bound, so cannot now see the beautiful garden with the squirrels and birds that he used to enjoy so much and can only eat pureed food spasmodically and has great difficulty communicating.
However, inside his head, he knows what's going on and can experience all the frustrations of his restricted world just the same as you or I could. He has TV which he sometimes enjoys but probably listens to when he can't find the strength to watch.
I go in to see him for a few hours everyday. Some days he can laugh and is interested in talking and listening but other times he doesn't really know I'm there. I never know what to expect when I go in. Each day is different. Harry doesn't stay on the the same level but swings from near unconsciousness to being alert and I do think of a yoyo because of the extreme of it all.

The local Hospice Specialist Care Nurse comes to see him/me weekly and they do support family as well as the patient.
Unfortunately it is Charity funded and only has 12 beds for the whole of our city and because of his unpredictability has no chance of getting in there. They do wonderful support behind the scenes and I do owe them for their considerable support over the last year or so.

So thats our life in a nutshell. Yes, a yoyo just about describes everything.


Jackie said...

I wish I lived closer, Maggie.
I have never met you or Harry in person, but know that I love you both.

Gosia said...

Definitely so sad story,but despite all difficulties. Take care..

Rose said...

Thank you for taking the time to post this, Maggie, as I have been wondering how you and Harry were doing. I wish I could give you some wise advice, but there is nothing I can say that you don't already know. It's a difficult time, but enjoy those precious moments when you can be together and are able to communicate. Thinking of you often and sending hugs your way, Rose.

Working Mum said...

Yes, thank you for the update - I have been popping in to see if you've posted and where you and Harry are up to. I think we've been reading each other's blogs for about 7 or 8 years (?) and that does create a connection even though we've never met so you and Harry are both in my thoughts. Wishing you strength and courage. WM x

Wisewebwoman said...

You're both in my thoughts Maggie, I have you on a newsfeed so I know when you update.

I've been trekking over here since I saw a post of yours on Irene's, many years ago.

It must be a very challenging time for you neither twixt nor tween.


Blondi Blathers said...

I'm new to your blog, Maggie, having just discovered it through your comment at The Other Side of Sixty.
I see you live in Somerset, where some of my great-great-great-great (and so on) grandparents came from. They lived around Frome.
It's hard to live while your loved one is dying. I have not lost a husband or a friend this way, but a young mom (she was only 64), and that was 10 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday and how it felt like many months of being in limbo. Not to mention the pain of the long goodbye.
Sending you love and courage.

Secret Agent Woman said...

Blogging is secondary to life, and your plate is full. Sending virtual hugs your way.

Eddie Bluelights said...

So sad to see my brother-in-law fading. Such a strong man . . . and a good one.
I'm here for you . . . . Eddie xx

dianefaith said...

Even as you write about the ups and downs of your life during this difficult time, your steadiness still shines through. You may not always feel it, but those of us who read your blog do. Thanks for the update and your words. Take care.

Sally Wessely said...

I am thinking of you and of Harry. I do send you thoughts of love and concern. God bless you during this time.

Expat mum said...

He is very lucky to have you and your lovely family. x

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

My thoughts are with you Maggie and, of course, Harry. I send you both the best of wishes and love. A xx

Shammickite said...

I think it's really therapeutic to be able to talk and write about what you and Harry are experiencing. You're a very strong lady, I can tell. Thinking about you, and sending you happy vibes, hope it helps.

MARY G said...

I always think of a Yoyo as a joyous thing, humming a bit as it travels so, even though I can understand a bit what you are suffering, I hope you have a few joyous moments to alleviate the sorrow. Thank you so much for keeping us updated. I, like your other commenters, think of you often and wish you goodness and mercy as you walk through your valley.