Smaller Than One Centimetre

One of the horrible things about having a secondary cancer of an unknown primary (CUP), is that no one has any real idea where it started. Nothing showed up on a CT scan because it was probably smaller than 1 cm which is the smallest sized tumour that can show up on a scan.

So where was this tumour then?

My body may well have fought the Primary cancer off but been unable to cope with the Secondary.

Each CUP sufferer has a different diagnosis and it seems that no two people present in exactly the same way. That is why I have felt so isolated because there is no one else who I can identify with.

There are no answers to my questions and my searching mind.

It was only by having a biopsy of the Secondary Cancer (in my case a gland in the groin) that anyone had a realistic idea what type of cancer it was, though where it came from is still a mystery. The sample was studied under a microscope and the experts were able to recognise a few pointers. In my case, it appeared to be of Ovarian type.

However nothing showed up on the ovaries and the cancer appeared to be in the peritonium.

I responded to the treatment of Ovarian Cancer quite quickly and have been having 3 monthly checks ever since my chemotherapy ended in the second week of April, this year.

The problem is, that before my cancer was discovered, I was suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) for many years. The symptoms of IBS can be similar to the symptoms of Ovarian Cancer but because I had IBS symptoms for so long, I assumed that it couldn't have been cancer related.

Well what is all this about, you may ask? The problem is, I have recently been suffering from the pain in the lower abdomen that I used to suffer from before cancer was even suspected. This has gone on for a short while and because I can't be sure which condition is which, I have had to ring my Oncology nurse to tell her what has happened. She has arranged for me to be seen this week and I dare say there will be scans to follow.

If *it* has returned again, then I am truly disappointed that I didn't get a longer remission. So I am pinning all my hopes on Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I never thought I would see the day when I wanted this condition as it really isn't pleasant.

Last week I was in considerable pain but the last few days have been pain free.

I guess only time will tell what is going on in my body but in the meantime, I am left with the usual uncertainty that is not easy to deal with. I guess it will always be like this for me now and I wonder if I will ever get used to it?

Three Days before Christmas......

Photos copyright: Maggie May

This Christmas will be really different for me. You see, I will be having my first treatment of chemotherapy on 22nd of December, which is only three days before Christmas Day.

I am glad to be finally starting the treatment. It seems that I have been waiting for ever for chemo. I'm not sure how long it actually is but I do know what has held up the true diagnosis and start of the treatment.

Right from the beginning, I was warned that I had secondary cancer and that it was difficult to find the source. Now I have a definite diagnosis that is called Occult Cancer or CUP ( cancer from unknown primary.) It is fairly rare not to know where the cancer has come from and only about 3-4% of all cancers belong to this group and to make matters worse, out of that small minority, I am in the 30% of the rarer still cancers.

So treating this cancer will be a bit hit and miss.

I told you before that I am awkward......... or shall we call it special!

Anyway, I have to trust God that the treatment will shrivel up my three tumours and give me a long remission.

I know that many people are believers and praying for me all over the world and others are sending me warm, positive thoughts, reiki and anything else that might benefit me. I am grateful to all who are doing this, I really am.

Last Sunday in Church, I suddenly experienced a tremendous peace that came over me and I know it is all about the power of prayer. I went forward for healing and felt very calm inside. I am lucky to have a really good church family as well as all you lovely people.

I also have neighbours, friends and workmates who are all sending me love, warmth and good wishes and I know that every one really cares what happens to me. So I feel very blessed by these people and I know that I will have to hang on to all this when the going gets tough over the next few months.

I finished work last Friday, until further notice and felt really tearful and emotional about that. However it means that I have a week to catch up with my Christmas preparations that have been sadly neglected.

I have had to have a swine flu injection before I could have the chemo. This has made me feel quite ill, but I am over the worst of that now.

I am also going for a fitting for a wig soon (which I might never wear) and have also ordered some suitable headwear (in case I don't like the wig) from a firm on the internet that specialises in chemotherapy patients' head gear.

So I am all set for whatever the treatment throws at me. Let it come.