The Results...

Photos copyright: Maggie May

I got this post prepared so that I could tell everyone some really good news after seeing my consultant this morning. I was going to title it *Everything Coming Up Roses*

However, every thing changed in the flash of an eyelid, when the consultant told me I had secondary cancer.

He said it was coming from the uterus. How the Hell could that be? I had a hysterectomy thirty years ago?

Just tell me how?

I feel like kicking doors down. I feel really upset....... too upset to write personal email. I am sorry about that. I will no doubt get over it.

So now...... wait for it......... I am having to go back on a waiting list to see a specialist in womens' problems (that I can't even spell.)

I might be hearing from them within two weeks. Two more weeks of Bloody Hell!

I assume then there will be tests and more waiting for scans & possible surgery. I seem to have gone right back to the start again. A bit like *snakes and ladders*. And all the time this thing inside me is spreading. I just want to start treatment. Is that too much to ask?

My lovely brother is going with me to the doctor this afternoon to push for some treatment.

Forgive me for my tantrum I don't intend this blog to end up as a cancer blog.

Please pray for me. I can't.

Roses From America

I am at a loss as to what to say really. Behind the scenes I have been really worried because a couple of months ago I discovered a lump in my groin and after leaving it a few weeks hoping it would go away (as you do), I went to the doctor who thought it was a hernia and that I would need an operation.

Before that happened I was to have an ultra scan and see a Consultant in our local hospital. That happened last Saturday and I was told then that it definitely wasn't a hernia, so I was worried.

Today I was summoned to the hospital quite urgently and was told that they think I have a lymphoma (cancer) and they have booked me in for surgery on Monday. This is in order that they might look at the gland in order to see what they are dealing with.

I have told one or two people before this post and Jackie from Teacher's Pet, sent me these lovely cyber flowers from America which I thought was very kind of her. (I feel quite pleased that I managed to get them into this post unaided and everyone knows that I am a technophobe.)

Anyway........ I am very grateful for prayers from everyone who can spare them and please all of you keep on praying that something can be done for me.

I am not sure when the results of the operation will get back to me or when my treatment will start.

We already have enough to worry about in the family as my husband has been battling cancer for seven years and my sister in law too.

I have always had to be the strong one and help my family out and now this has come along and messed up everything. My lovely son, Sam has promised to help me through it for a few days while I have the operation and he has promised to get the decorations finished in my kitchen.

I am going to find it very hard telling my daughter the news, as she lost her husband last year and my grandsons lost their father. They are just beginning to get their lives back together again and now they have to cope with this too. Please pray for them too.

Sorry to be a damper but I am quite bowled over with the grief that my family are going to feel. Yes...... it is a kind of grief even though no one has died. You see I have been there before....... when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and my husband with his cancer. It is not the patient who suffers the most. It is their family. Somehow it seems to be worse for them.

This is not the post I was going to send out today.

I have several in my drafts folder but they can wait until next week.

Life Ain't A Bed Of Roses!

These roses are not mine. They are hanging over a neighbour's wall that I pass most days. I remembered to take my camera today and snapped them. As I walked by, wafts of lovely perfume enveloped me.

However, I am feeling like a rant! 

Life Ain't Like a Bowl of Cherries.........  and it Ain't a Bed of Roses either!

I read other people's blogs and I know that some of you are having a really tough time. However, we are OVERWHELMED! Overwhelmed by bloody cancer mostly! Most of you know that Harry is battling with prostate cancer and Rupe, my son in law has had brain surgery to remove a secondary cancer that stemmed from malignant melanoma from a tiny mole on his shin twelve years previously. Neither of those two can be cured and are being treated with drugs in Harry's case and radiotherapy in Rupe's case. Well that is only two people isn't it? No it is blimmen not! My sister in law, Gloria, had breast cancer twelve years ago and suddenly her arm is three times the size it should be and her shoulder hurts like mad and now it seems that the Big C has caught up with her again. What is going on? She is younger than me and her children are younger as my brother married later in life. She really doesn't deserve this. None of them do!

Strange how in both cases the cancer returned after twelve years.

Rupe & Debs (my daughter) were going through hell before the cancer struck and it looked as though their marriage was well and truly over. She was biding her time, waiting for the children to get older. Now she would be "The Big Bad Wolf" if she left him. However, he continues to treat her in a controlling way, wanting her to give up her job and monitor everything she does and he criticizes her continually so that her personality is in shreds. Well I am really upset about it. No one wants to see their daughter like that.

Oldest grandson is finding things difficult, and school wants to have tests done to see if he is autistic. I have wondered from time to time myself if he had autistic tendencies, though if he has, then it is not a severe case. Now he has broken his elbow, when he fell off his bike! Well that can be mended at least!

We had a good holiday, you may well think. Yes we did until Wednesday, which was half way through it and we decided to go to the theatre.  I was really enjoying a little family of entertainers involving children. I glanced at Harry and he looked really ill and I managed to get him into the foyer where he collapsed on me and became unconscious. He came round and was violently sick, everywhere! An ambulance was called and off we both went to Scarborough Hospital which is half way to Whitby and further than I could imagine. After waiting there for several hours in A & E, in very smelly clothes, it was announced that he had food poisoning, which I couldn't understand as no one else had it. We were discharged in the middle of the night, clothes stinking to high Heaven & I managed to persuade a taxi driver to take us back to the hotel and explained husband had not been drinking but had been ill. The hotel promised to get  the clothes laundered as Harry only had the one jacket & it was a good pair of trousers, too.

The day of departure the clothes were returned to me in sacks in the same condition as they were when I handed them in! That was a wonderful job waiting for me when I got home!

I wouldn't be surprised if you had all gone away by this stage! It would be understandable if you had. No one likes a Moaning Minnie! Well, that's how it goes sometimes!

I am going to call this place MOODY MANSION because there are so many moody people here at the moment. Well OK so Sam's house is not selling and he & Kaiko are still here and not living in the lovely little place of their own. But it is not my fault and there seems to be little sense in making ME the scapegoat!

I also would like to get a shower when I want and not have water flooding everywhere in kitchen and bathroom and to be able to give the washing machine a rest before it is flogged to death. Fortunately Amber and Millie don't mind being here and snuggle up to Granddad and me and show great affection.

I am thinking of having a plaque printed. It will be put on the porch door and will read:-

Welcome to Moody Mansion!

You don't have to be moody to visit here, 

But a sense of humour would sure help!

Quite honestly, if I didn't laugh I would cry at the situations I am finding myself in.