The First of Many

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

A dear blogging friend has just disclosed that she's faced lots of tests, surgery and hospital visits and she never mentioned it to anybody because she felt that every one would think that she was always moaning about illness.

That left all her followers and blogging friends wondering why she'd disappeared from Blogland for so long.

I personally would prefer that people told me about their experiences of ill health rather than leave me wondering what has happened.

However, I hope that whoever reads my blog does not think that all I can talk about is illness.

I have tried to write about things that are really happening in my life, whatever that might be and if ill health comes into it then please accept it as a phase that most probably will pass to something better. I just feel that I have to be true to myself and everything that is happening right now.

Yesterday, I had to go to Oncology to have my *dummy run* through the radiation scanner (or whatever the real name is for that procedure,)

There was I, lying face down on a really hard surface with my head balanced on my arms and my bare bottom exposed to all who wished to see it and I can assure you that its not a pretty sight.

As luck would have it, the machine went wrong, so an engineer had to be called and he came pretty quickly to the scene. I expect he had seen some funny sights during his working day and my bottom could now be added to his list.

By then I was getting an itchy nose and really wanted to scratch it but I'd been told to stay still and not move and this took quite a lot of my will power.

The engineer fixed the machine and I then had to continue with lying still for what must have been half an hour and my nose was getting itchier by the moment. I wonder why these itches happen when it is not at all convenient. I'm sure I'm not scratching my nose all day long

I had more tattoos put on my hips for future guidance and by the time I was told I could get up, my hands were numb and my wrists were aching through the effort of lying in one position for so long.

Tomorrow is the *real thing* when the radiation starts to attack the beast on my coccyx.

I will be having a daily visit to this hospital, apart from weekends, for the next six weeks.

I feel now that the challenge is beginning.

My pain is being very well managed too. This makes me feel that all the down times do eventually come to an end with better times following.

I am ashamed to see on our news that young English thugs are smashing up their own country. It seems they are making a statement about their poor lifestyle. Some of them seem too young to be out at that time of night. Don't their parents care?

I feel that there is no excuse for the terrible things that have been happening.

They say they have nothing and thats the only way they can draw attention to themselves but we had very little and were born in a war when there wasn't even enough to eat. Our generation didn't act like that. People helped each other out and respected other people and their property. We respected the law and seemed to have a conscience. I wouldn't like to go back to the days of corporal punishment, children being put into Police cells and hanging...... but have we gone too much the other way and brought up a couple of generations who feel that the world owes them everything and that anything is theirs for the taking?

I really am ashamed to be English right now. I know that there are many people who are good and behave decently. The vast majority are like that. However, what good can come out of smashing up other peoples' homes and businesses? Isn't that just going to bring the country down to a much lower state than it is already in?

It is The Bristol Balloon Fiesta this weekend. I hope the weather conditions will enable us to see hundreds of them flying over our homes. So far it is windy....... maybe too windy but anything can happen by then.

Aloe Vera Cream to the Rescue

Photos Copyright:Maggie May

This is the lovely celtic cross that my friend made for me and it was displayed in our church over Easter. I am waiting to decide exactly where to hang it, but in the meantime it looks good here, standing against the window. She made it herself in the class that she attends. Very clever. I just love it.

I have just opened the back door to take a photo of the Spring flowers on the patio. While I was washing up this morning, the sun was shining so intensely on them but I really don't think that the photo does the colour of them any justice at all. Some of the bulbs are over their best now.

You will see that there is a good bundle of parsley growing in the middle pot. Traditionally, in England, if a woman can grow parsley well........ it means that she wears the trousers in the household. Well I won't comment about that, because my parsley does do well.

I am getting over my last chemo, which is number six. It has taken its toll on me in the form of intense red rash that causes itching. Next to tiredness, this is the most annoying and hard thing to bear.

My long suffering husband has to sit and watch me scratch like a demented animal. While I was in Oncology this last time, a lady told me that Aloe Vera cream was very good at alleviating itchy skin, so off Harry went to search for it in health shops in town.

He came back with a good sized tube for £6 and I thought it would be well worth it if it really worked.

I raced upstairs (as fast as my chemo ravaged body would let me) and proceeded to cream myself all over. It immediately produced a feeling of coolness and had a calming affect, though my bright red rash glowed through it. I found I had to apply the cream every few hours to keep up the effect and now my cream is running out. Harry will dash down to the health shop again soon.

It is now three days following the chemo and the rash is definitely fading but the itchiness will last till Saturday or Sunday. So at the rate of cream I am using, I will have to remortgage the house!

I have not torn my self to pieces this time, but the photo below will show you just the kind of damage that chemo does to the body.

It is quite sobering to be in the Oncology suite for a long time because there is always someone in a much worse state than me.

A man who was itching intensely, has cancer of the liver and he is not expected to live beyond the summer although he and I agreed that he could do better than that. However, he has no hope of a cure for his itchiness and he has it for every moment of the rest of his life. While I am scratching away, I keep thinking of this very nice man and the effect it must be having on him and his family.

The woman next to me was doing her third round of chemotherapy non stop since last October, to stop her ovarian cancer spreading. Well, if this happens to me, at least I will have a three month break from it because I will be having a scan soon and will be going back to the hospital at three monthly intervals. I will get the results of the CT scan within a week of having it. I have been assured that they are not expecting to see anything bad on it and they are also telling me they are very pleased with my progress. So I have to believe them, don't I?

Teacher's Gift

Photo copyrigh: Maggie May

These are the lovely flowers that were brought round to me when tightly in bud, in a stone pot by a very kind teacher who took the time to come and visit me a few weeks back. I guess they are at their best right now.

I have other hyacinth and tulip bulbs that are going to open up soon.

I had chemo 5 yesterday. It went without incident. I met some interesting, chatty people who helped to while away the time. If any one wants pictures of what it is like to undergo chemotherapy then they can go to my last session here.

So how am I feeling this time?

Well you can see that I don't have chemo brain, as I am managing to put in links etc.

I am itching like fury. I am on strong antihistamines that don't seem to be doing anything other than make me feel very sleepy. I look bright red. It would scare people if I went out like this.

This is the first morning that I couldn't face getting dressed. I need to be able to get at the places and scratch. It is all over my body and is due to the chemotherapy. Its nearly unbearable trying not to itch and I am damaging my skin.

I get into the shower and feel like laughing with delight of it and crying at the pain of it.

I was told it is no use putting anything on the skin as it wouldn't make any difference and might aggregate the condition.

By Sunday it will be going....... but it is a long time till Sunday.

Some of the people on the ward having chemotherapy yesterday were quite ill. There was a lady who looked so thin and old and she was extremely ill with a chest infection. She went in with a man in his late thirties and a very young boy.

I thought that the father of the little boy was the son of the much older lady.

Doctors buzzed around this lady and eventually I heard them say that there was a bed for her in the ward above and that she had to be admitted.

Then the *son* kissed her goodbye and the little boy aged about three years old said, "Goodbye Mummy."

That is what this blasted disease does to people and I had to choke down the tears.

Mothering Sunday

Photo copyright: Maggie May

Since I wrote my last post, the weather has turned much warmer and this coincided with an energy surge in me. Over the last two days, I was able to get out in the garden and prune things back, tidy the debris from the winter winds and do some jobs in the house that I normally would have done before, if I had felt able to.

In England we have Mother's Day completely out of sync with the rest of the world. It is really Mothering Sunday and was to do with the Church originally and it still is, though most people call it Mother's Day.

After we went to church in the morning, my son and granddaughters called round with cards and a present. My daughter had already sent hers in the post.

The day was lovely and sunny and pleasant.

I am so relieved not to be shivering and to be feeling stronger again on this special day.

The tub of narcissi and hyacinths that I received from the teacher last week is responding to the sunshine and the bulbs are opening up.

I have seen two wrens eying up the little pouches underneath the kitchen roof over hang. I hope they decide to nest there. I believe that they build three different nests and the female selects just one. I bet my husband is glad he isn't a wren. Having to provide one home was difficult enough.

The fox who visits our garden has very bad mange. It is pitiful to see the scabs completely covering his back. He looks so ill. One day when I was itching all over and tearing at my skin to the point of injuring myself due to chemo 4, the fox flopped under a shrub in the garden and tried to sleep in the watery sun. However, he was tearing at himself the whole time and had no peace from the irritation. I thought that we had something very much in common, except I don't have mange.

Lets hope that this change in the weather is here to stay.