The First of Many

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

A dear blogging friend has just disclosed that she's faced lots of tests, surgery and hospital visits and she never mentioned it to anybody because she felt that every one would think that she was always moaning about illness.

That left all her followers and blogging friends wondering why she'd disappeared from Blogland for so long.

I personally would prefer that people told me about their experiences of ill health rather than leave me wondering what has happened.

However, I hope that whoever reads my blog does not think that all I can talk about is illness.

I have tried to write about things that are really happening in my life, whatever that might be and if ill health comes into it then please accept it as a phase that most probably will pass to something better. I just feel that I have to be true to myself and everything that is happening right now.

Yesterday, I had to go to Oncology to have my *dummy run* through the radiation scanner (or whatever the real name is for that procedure,)

There was I, lying face down on a really hard surface with my head balanced on my arms and my bare bottom exposed to all who wished to see it and I can assure you that its not a pretty sight.

As luck would have it, the machine went wrong, so an engineer had to be called and he came pretty quickly to the scene. I expect he had seen some funny sights during his working day and my bottom could now be added to his list.

By then I was getting an itchy nose and really wanted to scratch it but I'd been told to stay still and not move and this took quite a lot of my will power.

The engineer fixed the machine and I then had to continue with lying still for what must have been half an hour and my nose was getting itchier by the moment. I wonder why these itches happen when it is not at all convenient. I'm sure I'm not scratching my nose all day long

I had more tattoos put on my hips for future guidance and by the time I was told I could get up, my hands were numb and my wrists were aching through the effort of lying in one position for so long.

Tomorrow is the *real thing* when the radiation starts to attack the beast on my coccyx.

I will be having a daily visit to this hospital, apart from weekends, for the next six weeks.

I feel now that the challenge is beginning.

My pain is being very well managed too. This makes me feel that all the down times do eventually come to an end with better times following.

I am ashamed to see on our news that young English thugs are smashing up their own country. It seems they are making a statement about their poor lifestyle. Some of them seem too young to be out at that time of night. Don't their parents care?

I feel that there is no excuse for the terrible things that have been happening.

They say they have nothing and thats the only way they can draw attention to themselves but we had very little and were born in a war when there wasn't even enough to eat. Our generation didn't act like that. People helped each other out and respected other people and their property. We respected the law and seemed to have a conscience. I wouldn't like to go back to the days of corporal punishment, children being put into Police cells and hanging...... but have we gone too much the other way and brought up a couple of generations who feel that the world owes them everything and that anything is theirs for the taking?

I really am ashamed to be English right now. I know that there are many people who are good and behave decently. The vast majority are like that. However, what good can come out of smashing up other peoples' homes and businesses? Isn't that just going to bring the country down to a much lower state than it is already in?

It is The Bristol Balloon Fiesta this weekend. I hope the weather conditions will enable us to see hundreds of them flying over our homes. So far it is windy....... maybe too windy but anything can happen by then.

The Battle Goes On

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

Some things just go on from one year to the next without too much attention. My roses are like that, appearing faithfully every summer no matter what happens to them. If only humans were the same.

The last few weeks have been difficult for me as I haven't been really well. I have tended to throw myself into other things, like the singing...... to take my mind off my present situation.

Well, I have seen the top Consultant at Onchology and I have had the results of the CT scans and bone scan that I have recently undergone, and there is no doubt now that I have a tumour on the coccyx (tail bone.) This is excruciatingly painful and I am drugged up a bit to mask it.

Well..... what can be done? I was groaning inwardly about having to have more chemo.

However, I am now on a waiting list to start radiotherapy to try and blast this thing off the bone.

It seems that I will be starting treatment next month.

There are various side effects and other organs close by might be damaged, which might mean operations and minor disability if things go wrong.

I did feel rather depressed by all this, but as the Onchologist explained, if the chemo hadn't been as successful as it was, I would have had 4 months to live at the very outside. That was in December 2009, so I am one of the lucky ones, so I have been repeatedly told, to have survived this long, against statistical odds.

This is the first time that I have been told this bit of information and if I'd known this at the time I was having chemo, then I might not have had the will to pull through.

I have a good chance of a longer life after radiation treatment and I completely trust the Onchology team.

So I am mustering up my strength and courage and throwing myself into God's hands and hoping for the best. As far as I am concerned, the sooner I start treatment the better.