The Visitor

Photos copyright : Maggie May.

Something made me go to the window.

He looked up. Our eyes met. Something passed between us. We had definitely made a connection. I must have looked surprised to see him, but he seemed a little wary and uncertain of how I would receive him.

The scrawny fox turned his back on me, lapped some water from the mini pond, turned over some earth in a pot of newly planted young salad leaves with his paw and his nose. Then, slinking down the garden quietly and carefully, picking his way carefully through the obstacles that confronted him, he leapt over the wall into my neighbour's garden before my eyes could focus on him, using a metal chair to reach the height of it.

Its not as though we live in the country. This is a city garden with high walls and trellis on the top for added security. This was an urban fox who probably lives on allotments, but could just as easily live under a shed in someone else's property.

Was this the fox who brought hens' eggs into my garden on three occasions? Hens' eggs that had the little lion stamped on the side? He had put his first one in gravel and I had broken that one in my efforts to get it out. The second one had been left in a pot of chives and the latest one had been half buried in a small pot of earth. Maybe there were bulbs in that pot. I really can't recall, but the egg is still there waiting for him to collect it. Is he saving it for a time of famine? Or maybe he has forgotten about it altogether. Popping eggs into the the ground like a squirrel does with nuts.

Is this the ferocious animal that kills all the chickens for the sake of it, when he really only needs to eat one? Is it the same creature who takes childrens' pet rabbits and guinea pigs when he can?

My fox looked dainty and walked carefully round my garden pots. He would need to have a delicate mouth to carry the eggs while jumping walls and digging in pots. That same animal with a reputation for slyness and killing?

I felt it was a privilege to have him come into my garden and use my belongings and to have witnessed him doing this.

So come back, my scrawny, dainty fox. Share some more moments with me. I want to see you again but please do not leave your shells everywhere and dig up my plants!

The Hospice

We have arrived home after a fairly successful visit to see my daughter and her husband and the two boys.

The coach journey was better than I had anticipated and the three hour wait for a connection did not seem too long as Harry and I found a cheap cafe where we had a meal. The time went fairly quickly.

It was a shock to see the change in my son in law, not only in appearance, because he has no hair and has a scar at the back of his head, but because of his changed personality. The first day that we went there, he was aggressive and everywhere we went, he said that he needed us to be out because he wanted to be there. He barred us from the spare room and we had no luck finding anywhere to stay as it is a very small country town. In fact, a village compared to our city! There was nothing for it but to bed down on the floor. Luckily he had decided to go to bed early. 

My daughter was very embarrassed by his behaviour to us, but we were not ruffled as I know that the "real" him was not like that.

The next morning, there was a phone call from the local hospice to ask my daughter to get him over there within the hour as they wanted to assess him. That seemed like a gift from God and Deb struggled to get her husband ready and that was a very difficult task indeed. He made every excuse to delay things. I telephoned the Hospice and told them that they were on their way and definitely wanted that place. (A complete lie as they were nowhere near ready!) The boys and Deb were already booked in for councelling that afternoon so we packed them all some sandwiches and they piled in the car and drove off.

Harry started working on the garden as it is huge and many shrubs needed cutting back. I started to work on clearing up a bit and ironing. After we made some lunch for ourselves we got a bus from the local stop and used our wonderful free bus passes that we can now use anywhere in England and we went to the larger town a few miles away. It was good looking all around and familiarizing ourselves with that lovely town. 

Eventually Deb rang us and we met up. She told me she would love to go to see Mama Mia at the one and only cinema, so I went with her while Harry took the boys to Burger King for a pile of rubbish! He then went to the park with the boys and had to fill in two hours till we came out!

It was lovely to lose ourselves in the film, which we thought was very good.

The whole atmosphere had changed back at their house and the boys made a lot of noise and we all laughed and generally had a good family time.

After more gardening the next day and a few simple repairs and several visits to the local tip to get rid of rubbish that had been lying about in the garden for ages, we decided to go to the Hospice to see son in law and we all felt nervous, suddenly. To be truthful, we are all afraid of him, or rather his moods.

We were pleasantly surprised when we got there as he seemed much more his old self and was pleased to see us. We walked to the day room and  attempted a jigsaw puzzle between us. This was enjoyed by all but the oldest grand child who was playing on his game boy, but it didn't matter. The time went quickly and I now have a vision of him in a happier frame of mind and much calmer. Just like he used to be when the boys were little.

I don't know how long he will be in the Hospice but it gave Deb a wonderful break and a chance to be with us and to act more normally with the boys. I think she is entitled to three days with him at the Hospice every six weeks. It is all voluntary and they are wonderful staff and there is a calm atmosphere there. I must do something for hospices as they provide such a good service for weary families like mine.

Anyway, we are back home now. I feel a little bit tearful but I now feel confident to make that journey on my own even, if needs be. I learnt a lot over my stay there and it has helped Deb to feel less trapped knowing we will be able to go again in the next school holiday, as he is not well enough to leave and she used to come to see us regularly.

Thanks every one for your support. It means so much to me to know I have friends on the net routing for me! Please help hospices if you can as no one knows just how important they are to families like mine, unless you ever find yourselves in this situation and I sincerely hope you don't. Sorry no photo this time!

A Challenge.

I have said before that I have been feeling hemmed in by problems lately, like being caught up in a net. Hence the photo! However you will see that there is a bright horizon in the distance.

During the time I was off line, I was touched to read your comments (via my cafe friend's internet.) You were all so kind and supportive, so thank you all those who left a comment of encouragement.

I had hoped to say, when I came back on line, that I had a beautifully clean house, but I used the time to to go off to places with Harry, or sometimes on my own. We also took the granddaughters out a couple of times a week.

I visited a few people. One of them, a younger person  who was a friend of my children when they used to go to school together. However, she has MS. She is living on her own and although she finds it difficult to walk hardly any distance, she remains cheerful and optimistic. Mandy is able to take herself off on holiday, all alone and cope with going to a strange place abroad, managing her electric buggy, and an enormous suitcase, while going through the airport procedures. She is using the money that her Nan left her to afford these trips, as she is unable to work. Mandy sets off not knowing who will help her or how she will cope. She gets extremely tired and comes home exhausted, but with happy memories and new people to write to.

During one of my visits to her flat, she asked me to help her with a strange contraption that she had ordered from a MS magazine, supposed to help her with her walking. It had bits of rubber to put round one foot connected to a rubber tube that ran the length of her leg to the hip. Straps went round her waist and across her shoulders. It was supposed to help lift her weak foot up. However, I think I made a mistake with the assembly, as Mandy had great difficulty standing up when we tried it out, let alone walking. We were both exhausted with trying by this time and I think both of us doubted that it was the miracle aid that it first appeared to be.

Mandy is an inspiration to me, as she knows how to enjoy herself and not give in to worry or the fear of the unknown.

On Sunday, Harry and I are going to take a coach, with several changes at various points, so that we can see my daughter and the family for a few days and nights. Because of the delays with waiting for our connections, travelling will take all day.

Things are very bad for our son in law, who has deteriorated fast, so Harry & I feel we must go and see them all.

I know it will not be an easy journey, both practically and emotionally. We may have to find lodgings, if we can, when we get there. The boys are traumatized by what they see and they are all receiving councelling from the cancer team to help them cope.

Those of you who told me to put my trust in God/Jesus and find joy in him without worrying about looking for happiness, that is fleeting, are, of course, right. He is looking after us, but it is not easy to hang in there at times. I sometimes need reminding to trust him.

Others told me to snatch what enjoyment that came my way and to dare to be happy. This also is good advice and I realize that I have to guard against pessimism.

Anyway, I will eventually get back into my routine blogging, Photo Story and Weekend Wandering and hope to get back to normal when we return next weekend.

The trip will be a challenge .........

The Unexpected Visit.

It's always lovely when my daughter comes to visit with the grandsons. Sometimes the boys' school holidays coincide beautifully with the school where I work, but this last one was completely out of sync.

After thinking that we wouldn't be seeing each other this time, she suddenly announced that she would visit after all and would leave husband to his own devices and come on Saturday and go home on the following Tuesday, which was the last day of the the boys' school holiday.

Its not a happy marriage and I think she comes to escape and have a bit of peace (if you can call our house peaceful, that is.) You know what I mean, though, a little time out of the unhappy environment!

Anyway, after a tiring journey of six hours that should have only taken half that time, she was surprised when her car engine completely cut out just outside our house. Luckily a neighbour, who happens to be a mechanic, looked at the car and told her that the alternator had broken and obviously she would need a garage. He also told her she was lucky that it didn't cut out on the motor way as it could have done. The thought of that was terrifying.  Anyway it was late on Saturday afternoon by then, so no chance of getting to a garage until Monday.

She decided to try and make the best of it and to enjoy her freedom over the holiday and not worry about the car or whether she'd make it back to her home town  in time for school and work.

Although the weather was not bad earlier on, it suddenly turned very cold. The two boys were very pent up after their long journey and the thought of her not having her car for the weekend, with its seven seats was a bit daunting. They had been promised trips out!

The next day it was decided to take Harry's car and Sam's and for us to go to a beautiful place that the children love to visit, in a valley, near a large stream and if everyone managed the trip through the woods, there was the treat of a really good children's play area at the end of the walk.

Before we set off there was a phone call from daughter's husband to say he was very ill and needed a doctor. She was not sure if this was for real or if he was trying to ruin her weekend. So from our house she rang her own doctor for a home visit. Apparently he had a really bad headache and was sick!!!!!!! Well I ask you! However there was the niggling worry that it might be serious. She had  already explained that the car was not working, so she couldn't get home. 

Considering the four grand children were such a mixture of ages, 3,5,9 & 11 yrs, they all managed the walk very well, but took a long time to get to the play area, having stopped off to play near the water and look at this, that and the other. Eventually they all got onto the childrens' swings and slides and were having such a wonderful time even though it started to get really cold.  Without warning it started to snow and within minutes the whole place looked magical and white. It didn't last and the flurry was soon over and the snow melted, much to the disappointment of the children.

In all the excitement Millie wet her pants and poor Sam had to carry her home, her wet bottom on his arm as she was much too tired to walk the distance back to the cars. Anyway it was very enjoyable but we were all a bit worried about the sick husband.

Next day, after many phone calls to many garages, daughter's car was taken to the other side of the city to one that promised to replace the alternator by the evening, so we relaxed a bit, realizing that she would make it home in time for work and school, after all!

The car was picked up with a reconditioned alternator, the bill paid and phone calls made to the sick husband who had had an injection & some tablets & an appointment was being made for scans........... A bit worrying !

The boys were so kind and understanding with their little cousins and a good time was had by all, though every one was made to feel a bit guilty about the sick husband. No one knows if he is really sick or whether it was manipulation to ruin the weekend. Only time will tell. He did manage to put a damper on the weekend from afar, though!

Anyway, they are safely home now and we really do miss them all and are slightly worried about the situation, no one likes to see their children unhappy. 

However, when she comes here, she really has a relaxed and enjoyable time and we were so glad to have the unexpected visit!