Children's Version of Things

Photo Copyright: Maggie May

After six days I have just managed to get out for a little walk and saw these lovely daffodils growing a long a path. It was a lovely day, in fact there have been some lovely days all week but I haven't felt well enough to go out.

Chemo 5 has not been easy for me and I have felt excessively tired and my skin reacted horribly to it and it will take a good while for the scratches to heal.

I have not felt anywhere near normal and was worried about the effects this is having on my family, not least my granddaughters.

Not long ago, my seven year old granddaughter, Amber came rushing in and said, "I know what your illness is called. Its cancer." That remark went through me like a knife but I didn't let her see that.

As it wasn't a word I have used in front of the children, I thought someone else must have filled her in so I asked her how she knew.

Apparently, there was a programme on Children's TV about a dinner lady who had to miss school for a very long time because she had an illness called cancer. The programme even showed the dinner lady coming back to school in a wig because she had lost her hair.

I was quite impressed by that programme that could have been written about me.

The other day, I was feeling quite miserable with my symptoms and was sitting watching TV, when my five year old granddaughter, Millie, sat on the arm of the chair and snuggled up to me saying, "Grannie, how are you feeling?"

I explained that I was tired & itchy and she told me that I would be better if I went to bed.

She asked me if the good medicine was still fighting the bad things in my body and she asked me if I had been ill for nine years.

It must seem endless to this little child.

She then went on about my hair and told me that she couldn't remember how I had looked before.

I did feel sad for her and hoped she would remember that I hadn't always been like this. I was once energetic and took them out and was a much more interesting Grannie.

She has always been a caring little child and some of the things she said made me feel like weeping.

A Stroll Along the Waterfront

Photos copyright: Maggie May

On Friday I felt a bit in need of a walk so Harry and I decided to go to visit our lovely waterfront, just off the city centre. It was not particularly warm when we got there and I realised that it might have been better to wear a hat rather than a bit of net with rats' tails false hair all over it as my wig isn't very warm. However, too late for that so I had to grin and bear it.

We had got that far by bus and it didn't seem as chilly when we set off.

We started walking from the centre and noticed all the little boats moored in groups and I must confess that I was looking for one named Maggie May so that I could snap it and pretend it was mine but not even a Maggie of any description could be found. However, there was one called Isabella May........ a bit remote.

Not much to look at.

We walked as far as we could possibly go and this is the view at the end of the walkway towards the right showing a very old shell of a building waiting to be renovated right next to modern flats that must cost the earth to buy or rent.

In the underneath photo, on the lefthand side of the water, is Bristol's beloved Matthew. The reproduction of a tiny ship that bravely sailed across the Atlantic Ocean looking for a new land and don't forget the majority of people then, thought the world was flat.

I believe this replica has sailed across the Atlantic but the original was sailed by John Cabot in 1497 and he probably sailed to Newfoundland and that was without emergency engines and a radio that the replica had fitted for safety reasons.

If I am deemed fit on Monday when I have my pre-assessment, I will be having chemo 5 on Tuesday. However this can all change right until the last moment. Can't really tell until the day comes.

It seems all my blood tests were satisfactory this time round, so chemo 5 is to start tomorrow morning.

The Diversity of Friends

Photo copyright: Maggie May

My good friend, Hetty and I meet up every now and then. Recently it has been quite regularly. When I am fit enough we go for a walk together. She usually picks me up in her car and we walk in some part of Bristol or other because there are some lovely places to do that. The picture above is a woodland walk which we went on a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling stronger than I have been feeling lately.

Hetty and I always have much catching up to do and talk nineteen to the dozen. We seem to get on to some really bizarre subjects and I feel that I can say anything to her and she does the same with me. She is never judgemental.

This week I didn't feel well enough for a walk but Hetty decided to come round to our house anyway for a chat. I think that she was expecting me to be quite ill and maybe, poor company. However, it wasn't long before we were in hysterics, just like teenagers laughing fit to bust and some of the things that we talked about were OUTRAGEOUS and not suitable to print here. All that laughing did seem to lift my spirit and I felt it did me the power of good, though Harry made some excuse to go out as he obviously thought we were quite mad.

Another friend, known as Squirrel came to see me during the week. She and I have great empathy towards one another because Squirrel has an auto immune disease that makes her very ill indeed and she had to undergo chemotherapy a few years ago to try and halt it. Sometimes Squirrel (who is young enough to be my daughter), just likes to sit and have me stroke her hair. I think she looks on me as a mother figure. Sometimes we laugh a lot on her good days but more often than not we just commiserate with each other.

I was thinking a lot about how different my friends are one from another and wonder what draws us to one particular person with one type of personality and yet we can be equally drawn to someone else with a completely different one. I doubt whether any of them have anything in common and probably would not really get on with each other. The same goes for acquaintances and lesser friends. Any ideas why we do this? Are we attracting these different types of people or do we choose them subconsciously? Maybe it is just coincidence that friends seem so diverse, or is it because we are all so very unique?

On Friday I went to see my brother, Eddie Bluelights and he was doing very well following his hip replacement, I thought. He has a slightly swollen leg because he managed to get an infection in it by knocking his hip against the handles of a commode (portable loo) in hospital. Sorry if I gave out too much information, Eddie!

He is slightly pale but you should see him shoot up the stairs to his computer in order to check his email. He was up there in a flash, using sticks too.

Harry put on a face mask in the car and drove the 12 miles to where Eddie and Maria live. I can assure you we got some very funny looks and everyone gave us a very wide berth, but that was fine by both of us. Probably thought we had the plague. Its quite common to go around in a face mask in Japan, so my son informs us, but to do so over here causes amusement or panic.

Harbingers Of Spring

Photos copyright: Maggie May

For some reason I awoke feeling really down hearted today. Not sure why.

I miss work and then there is the uncertainty of the different procedures that I will be following these next couple of weeks. Different from my normal chemo three weekly sessions. Sometimes everything catches up.

As I was feeling so much stronger physically, I put on my wig with a knitted beret over the top for extra warmth, scarf, gloves and heavy coat and decided to walk away the blues.

The weather had been so lovely last week when I was too ill to go out during my last bout of chemo but this week it went back to winter again with bitter winds that seemed to cut right through to the bone.

Today I was ready for it and felt quite comfortable as I decided where I was going to go.

I opted for quite a long walk that lasted for a couple of hours and I went right into another area.

I would love to say that the primulas in the photo above, were taken in my garden but unfortunately there is nothing there that is worth snapping at present.

I happened to pass a lovely garden shop so took the photo there.

Similarly, I took the picture of the Garrya Elliptica as I passed a garden en route and the catkins did entice me to capture them forever.

By the end of the walk, I felt in a different frame of mind altogether and came home with tingling face and feeling energised by the effort of the walk and the cold.

Later this afternoon, I went to the city Hospital for my scan on the bus. I had to arrive early and drink a pint of yellow water (that looked like urine) over the period of one hour. I was then taken to the scanner where I had to lie down and have a cannula put into a vein (my poor veins almost collapse with shock when they see a needle now.) I was later injected with dye which made me feel very hot. I had to hold my breath for long stretches of time, several times in succession. I now know to take in a very deep breath as I felt near to suffocation the first time I had it done.

That was it. Over.

There is little point in worrying now, as I will not get the results until the 17th when I have to see my surgeon.

Que sera, sera...... whatever will be, will be..... as the old song goes.

My daughter and grandsons are coming for a few days from the weekend until next Tuesday as it is half term for them. It will be good to see them again while I am feeling well. Lets hope that it doesn't snow or ice up the roads because I know that Deb doesn't like to drive in those conditions and may well cancel if the roads are bad.

Today we had flurries of snow here but it was too warm for it to pitch.

Lets hope it stays that way.

Blaise on a Wet Day.

Photos copyright: Maggie May

When I was just about getting over the worst effects of chemo 2, a very kind person from Church, who I have known for a very long time, asked me if I would like to go to Blaise for a walk at the end of the week. I had previously told J that this was the type of thing that I missed most...... being able to get out of the house for a walk in a lovely environment, like I used to do on my own in the days before cancer treatment.

At the time we talked on the phone, I was still suffering quite a bit from the chemo brain syndrome and I really couldn't visualise ever feeling well enough to be able to go for a long walk. This attitude unfortunately, comes as part of the chemo package, the thought that this time my energy would not come back. However J managed to get me to give a firm date for Friday.

Well of course, by Friday I was feeling quite fit but the weather turned out to be dreadful... pouring with rain from the moment I got up, to the time that J was due to pick me up.

When she arrived, we decided to go ahead with the arrangement anyway and found ourselves at Blaise, a beautiful spot in Bristol, with marvellous walks and scenery. I have posted about this place before and have often visited in the school holidays with the grandchildren, sometimes with all four of them.

Obviously on Friday morning, a normal school day, there were very few people about. The rainy day probably made even less people go there than usual, though a few stoical dog walkers with dripping wet canines in tow did brave the elements.

There is a small cafe near the car park, so it seemed best to start off having a coffee in a dry place. It was good to chat and catch up on our latest happenings because neither of us normally has the time or opportunity to do that.

The rain seemed set for the day, but we decided to go for our walk anyway. Armed with umbrellas we set off, not only soaking up the rain but also soaking in the beauty of the wet trees and grass that looked new and unspoilt.

We walked along to the Mansion and then towards the river walk, passing this stone dog on our way.

We are really fortunate in Bristol to have so many lovely green spaces to walk in.

Then it started to rain really heavily and we turned and walked back to the car.

Walking in the rain with our umbrellas brought me a good deal of pleasure and I was so grateful to J for taking me there. Thank you J if you are reading this.

I would like to bring to everyones attention that this weekend, a very important person is being Roasted by my brother, Eddie Bluelights. It is none other than our old friend, David Mcmahon, the Melbourne journalist, author of several best selling novels and professional photographer, who has helped and inspired so many of us in the past. Every ones chance to learn more about him.

Please go over and see Eddie's Sunday Roast.

New Years Day Walk

Photos copyright: Maggie May

I have really enjoyed having my daughter and the grandsons for the Christmas period. Some of it was a bit grim while the chemo did its work, but after the sixth day, I started to steadily get stronger and I now feel almost normal (whatever that means).

I am really grateful that I was so well looked after by my lovely daughter, who changed and washed bedding and made tasty meals, did stacks of ironing and sat and held my hand when I needed her to.

It is like a bad dream now. A bit like childbirth....... hard at the time, but hard to remember exactly what it was like afterwards.

Dread the next one though scheduled for the 12th January.

On New Year's Day it was cold but sunny and I wanted to go on a longish walk.

Bristol has some lovely walks and we were taken by car to Clifton Suspension Bridge and walked all round the cliff tops and walked across the bridge and back. I remembered to take my camera and the youngest grandson joined the many on the slide who have helped keep the rocks polished by their bottoms for the next generation. I remember doing that myself as a child! Ouch! Not this time though!

Houseboat Guests.

Photo copyright Maggie May

This is another photo of the same canal that I used last week for Watery Wednesday. A canal in Essex that we visited while staying with our daughter, and we walked along the banks of it just before dusk.

The ducks milled around the houseboat. Maybe they got fed round there. They seemed to be waiting.......

Watery Wednesday is hosted by 2sweetnsaxy. Why not look at some of the lovely photos from all over the world?

The Canoe, the Egg and The Fox

'Messing about on the river....er canal"

Don't quite know what these people were actually doing in the middle of the canal, but they eventually got everything sorted and paddled on their way to where ever they were going, passing me as they did so.

My daughter and two grandsons spent a pleasant time walking along the embankment with me, last summer on a lovely sunny day. Made a good walk.

For those people who read my last post Mystery of the Hidden eggs, I am pleased to announce that the mystery has been solved! My next door neighbour told me that a fox has been running up his path and jumping over into my back garden.

Another neighbour tells me that she had an egg left on her front porch once and she thinks that foxes grab crates of eggs that the milkman leaves on door steps in the morning. She thinks that the foxes eat what they want and then take eggs and bury them for the future and one chose my garden!

So customers might wonder what is happening to their egg order that never seems to arrive and I dare say the milkman will be scratching his head at the mystery and wonders why his customers never seem to get their eggs.

Working Mum had the same thing happen to her last year and her husband thought it was a fox! I was quite relieved to know that someone else had the same thing happen to them. Made me feel less isolated with the problem!

I also had the perfect answer from Hilary who sent me a very useful link about the way foxes steal eggs! Fascinating look it up here.

One less thing to worry about! I can cope with a fox!

A Certain Time Of The Year.

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

This photo is very poignant for me and as you know, I don't normally put photos of family faces on my blog, even darkened faces. 

It is the time of the year that makes me think of my Mother. She died almost to the day, in the year 2001 and most of us were able to get to the funeral, even though we were all scattered about the country and in my son's case the other side of the world.

However it was several years later when we all got together on one of Sam's visits from Japan that also coincided with Deb's visit from the east coast, following a family event, that we all decided to go to visit my mother and father's grave.

Sam and Kaiko, with Amber and Millie, Deb and Rick and Dean, my brother and wife and their daughter and son, stood by the gravestone for a while. We explained to the grand daughters and grandsons about my mother and father and some of the things they had done in their lives. We explained how we were all related. Amber and Millie had not been born in time for my mother to see them and my father had not seen any of the four grandchildren.

Some of us decided to link arms, and stand in this circle, and Sam crouched in the middle with the camera. Some said a prayer or two and some just needed to do the huddle without.

I am in the bottom right hand corner and going  anti clockwise is my daughter, husband, niece, sister in law, brother and nephew.

It made us all feel we belonged and seemed to bring the family closer together, for that day, at least!

 

Photostory Friday is hosted by Cicely and MamaGeek.

The Unexpected Visit.

It's always lovely when my daughter comes to visit with the grandsons. Sometimes the boys' school holidays coincide beautifully with the school where I work, but this last one was completely out of sync.

After thinking that we wouldn't be seeing each other this time, she suddenly announced that she would visit after all and would leave husband to his own devices and come on Saturday and go home on the following Tuesday, which was the last day of the the boys' school holiday.

Its not a happy marriage and I think she comes to escape and have a bit of peace (if you can call our house peaceful, that is.) You know what I mean, though, a little time out of the unhappy environment!

Anyway, after a tiring journey of six hours that should have only taken half that time, she was surprised when her car engine completely cut out just outside our house. Luckily a neighbour, who happens to be a mechanic, looked at the car and told her that the alternator had broken and obviously she would need a garage. He also told her she was lucky that it didn't cut out on the motor way as it could have done. The thought of that was terrifying.  Anyway it was late on Saturday afternoon by then, so no chance of getting to a garage until Monday.

She decided to try and make the best of it and to enjoy her freedom over the holiday and not worry about the car or whether she'd make it back to her home town  in time for school and work.

Although the weather was not bad earlier on, it suddenly turned very cold. The two boys were very pent up after their long journey and the thought of her not having her car for the weekend, with its seven seats was a bit daunting. They had been promised trips out!

The next day it was decided to take Harry's car and Sam's and for us to go to a beautiful place that the children love to visit, in a valley, near a large stream and if everyone managed the trip through the woods, there was the treat of a really good children's play area at the end of the walk.

Before we set off there was a phone call from daughter's husband to say he was very ill and needed a doctor. She was not sure if this was for real or if he was trying to ruin her weekend. So from our house she rang her own doctor for a home visit. Apparently he had a really bad headache and was sick!!!!!!! Well I ask you! However there was the niggling worry that it might be serious. She had  already explained that the car was not working, so she couldn't get home. 

Considering the four grand children were such a mixture of ages, 3,5,9 & 11 yrs, they all managed the walk very well, but took a long time to get to the play area, having stopped off to play near the water and look at this, that and the other. Eventually they all got onto the childrens' swings and slides and were having such a wonderful time even though it started to get really cold.  Without warning it started to snow and within minutes the whole place looked magical and white. It didn't last and the flurry was soon over and the snow melted, much to the disappointment of the children.

In all the excitement Millie wet her pants and poor Sam had to carry her home, her wet bottom on his arm as she was much too tired to walk the distance back to the cars. Anyway it was very enjoyable but we were all a bit worried about the sick husband.

Next day, after many phone calls to many garages, daughter's car was taken to the other side of the city to one that promised to replace the alternator by the evening, so we relaxed a bit, realizing that she would make it home in time for work and school, after all!

The car was picked up with a reconditioned alternator, the bill paid and phone calls made to the sick husband who had had an injection & some tablets & an appointment was being made for scans........... A bit worrying !

The boys were so kind and understanding with their little cousins and a good time was had by all, though every one was made to feel a bit guilty about the sick husband. No one knows if he is really sick or whether it was manipulation to ruin the weekend. Only time will tell. He did manage to put a damper on the weekend from afar, though!

Anyway, they are safely home now and we really do miss them all and are slightly worried about the situation, no one likes to see their children unhappy. 

However, when she comes here, she really has a relaxed and enjoyable time and we were so glad to have the unexpected visit!

Other People's Gardens.

On Easter Monday it was sunny, but freezing cold and very, very windy. I announced that I was going out for a brisk walk, as I'd eaten too much chocolate! Harry replied that I would have to walk to Scotland to get rid of the effects of the chocolate binge and he said he thought I was mad to go out on such a cold day.

Undeterred, I wrapped up like an eskimo and braved the cold and wind, to do my next favourite nosey thing to people watching............ that is looking at other people's gardens.

I soon walked out of our immediate district of Victorian terraced villas with tiny front gardens, into a slightly more affluent area with homes that had been built in the 1930 era. I noticed that many  people had given up their garden for a brick paved parking area and many had small trees and shrubs in ornamental pots to take away the bareness that this had caused. Harry had announced only recently that "the papers" had said there was a possibility of having to pay more Council tax for homes with garages and off road parking spaces. Well that lets us off the hook then as our garden in the front is too small for a parking bay and we have no garage. Then I remembered that some inner cities are thinking of charging people to park outside their own homes. So either way, car owners are losers.

Many gardens, I noted, had exotic looking Cordylines growing in their front gardens, that are used to sunnier climes, but they seem to grow very well here. Judging by the amount of people who have planted them, they seem to be all the rage and I wonder if they will be the "Leylandii of the twenty first century" only to be scorned in the future. We have one in our back garden that grew through the bottom of a clay pot at an alarming angle and is now quite big. Son, Sam or should I call him Sam son, swung on it to see if it was safe for the children to play under, and he pronounced it sturdy enough.

Some gardens are really well loved, you can tell by the clipped shrubs and weed free borders. Unfortunately these are often next to a really untidy, neglected one, that makes a terrible contrast. Why is it that if I see something in need of a good clip, I feel I'd love to be let loose with a good pair of shears? Yet I don't always feel like that with my own. I start to think of the reason for the neglect. Is the person too old or infirm to tidy it? Or is some one living there who simply hates gardening? Maybe they are just too busy.

Some homes have a little notice on the front door or gate saying "no circulars or junk mail." Well you know where you are with a house like that. I suddenly thought, "Wouldn't it be good if bloggers had a notice on their blogs to say that they didn't want a tag, meme or an award." At least we would know who not to tag without having to learn by trial or error. Now I am digressing just like Ronnie Corbett. Strange what you think about when you're walking though, isn't it?

I pass a good many homes with tiny front gardens where a small shed has been squeezed in, to house bikes safely, I should think. It would be impossible to get to the house windows to clean them as the sheds completely block off the way. If the occupants of these homes have to choose between locking a bike up safely or cleaning the windows, then the bike might well win.

Just a few gardens had rubbish in them. Some homes were being revamped and the mess was temporary, but I could see that others didn't care at all about mattresses and furniture lying on a lawn for months.

I came round full circle to our house. I had enjoyed the tiny lawns, grey slate shingle and mock york stone patios with plants and interesting garden ornaments and came home glowing, warm and feeling like some more chocolate!